White House wedding?

traditional-ukrainian-cloth

Every now and then, AGMA likes to review my WordPress spam folder to see what mischief some of the folks out there are up to.

I don’t have any special WP spam blockers like some of you.  I like to see the unfiltered messages of my adoring public.

AGMA must not be on the radar of the “really” fun people anymore because of late, my WP spam has been pretty boring.  Mostly because I can’t read any of the languages of this segment of my fan base.

I did however, receive a VERY heartfelt message from Zana in my email last week titled, I believe that there is my love in this world somewhere, could it be you? :

“Hello, from the first lines of this letter I only intend to explain to you that I really dream to meet a faithful man who will not just be a
husband for me, but a true friend, a passionate lover and possibly a papa for our future kids.
I really want to create a family based on love, good understanding as well as care and attention. It really is also really essential to have common ideas and needs about lifestyle.
Please, write me, what are your favors and dislikes, what are your personal motivations.
Do you have any dreams you have and exactly what your plans in the future??
If there is anything you don’t want to write to me right now, I am going to understand, don’t
worry. And of course, i will tell you everything about me personally u would like to find out!
And now i wish you all the best. i will be patiently waiting for your mail.

P.S! I am 28 years old and also im from Kiev, ukraine.
What is your age and exactly where you from???”

Sigh.  Just a gal looking for her Prince Charming…

You gotta believe in the magic of true love after reading that.

I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I’m not a man.  And I’m already married.

AGMA’s thinking that maybe I can be her advocate by forwarding her email to some folks I’ve heard spent a lot of time in Ukraine.  I bet Rudy Giuliani and his wacky buddies can help her out.

At the very least, maybe RG can show this to the Big Orange Cheeto currently squatting in the Oval Office.  Melania’s turns 50 next year.  Based on his matrimonial history, BOC is surely ready to trade in her in for a newer, younger model.

(Ha – model – get it?  I crack myself up!)

I bet he can get Zana a genius visa (like he did for Melania, widely known in her country as the Genius of Slovenia) and she’ll be ready to take up residence in the White House faster than you can say Maria Yovanovitch!

Zana even writes like tRump.  All those missing letters, lack of punctuation and bad grammar.  And I’m sure RG and his band of merry Ukrainians can convince her that she has some dirt on Hunter Biden.

Get her a Twitter account and it’s a match made in heaven.

It’s been a long time since there’s been a good old fashioned White House wedding!

Putin will be the best man and Paula White can officiate (of course, after everybody invited to the wedding sends her their stock dividends from the last year.)  There will be a cat fight between Kellyanne, Sarah and Ivanka as to who will be the matron of honor.  I predict that the groom will choose Ivanka, secretly wishing he was marrying her…

How glorious it will be with hamberders and covfefe for all!

Tricia Nixon Cox, eat your heart out!

 

 

 

Let a smile be your umbrella blah blah blah

hedghog

Source: hedgehog_azuki Source:Instagram

It’s time to lighten this joint up!

AGMA’s last three posts have been of a somewhat somber nature.  My apologies for the barrage of Debbie Downer posts.

To be totally honest, life still seems to be a bit more on the old, dirty shoe leather side than the rainbows and unicorns side.  And it’s so easy to settle into a comfy seat and start chewing away at it.

Like I’ve been doing for the last 3 weeks.

It’s really hard to write a light, funny, fluffy post when you’re just not feeling it.  At least for AGMA it is.

I was never a very good liar.

So my go to in the ‘I need to write something that will make folks smile, but have no clue what to write’ department is my AGMA spam folder in WP.  It’s usually full of potential for humor.  Here’s one of my spam themed posts… Love is Love

But it was not to be.  I guess WP automatically purges spam folders on a regular basis.  The last time I looked at it there were 12 spammies in it.  Today, there are 2.

And one was in Russian:

“Добрый день. Предлагаем Вам наши услуги в области международных перевозок грузов.
Работаем международных грузоперевозок по основным направлениям: Россия (Челябинск, Екатеринбург, Пермь, Новосибирск, Красноярск, Омск, Тюмень, Томск) – Беларусь – Казахстан.
Но можем выполнить перевозку грузов по любым иным маршрутам.
Более подробно можете почитать на сайте компании “МиТур” ”

According to Google translate, it says:

“Good day.  We offer you our services in the field of international cargo transportation.  We work international cargo transportation in key areas.  Russia (Chelyabinsk, Yekaterinburg, Perm, Novosibirst, Krasnoyarsk, Omsk, Tyumen, Tomsk – Belarus – Kazakhstan, but we can carry out the transportation of cargoes on any other routes,  You can read more on the website of the company “MiTour”. ”

ZZZZZzzzzz…

So AGMA might have to consider the nuclear option.

I might have to go all Julie Andrews on everybody.   “Raindrops on roses, and whiskers on kittens…”

Noooooooo!!!

Yup.

So here’s a partial list (in no particular order) of what makes AGMA smile:

  • Hedgehogs in lawn chairs
  • Minions (the yellow, cartoon kind, not the tRump kind)
  • Champagne bubbles in Epernay
  • The name of the country Djibouti
  • The thought of a Blue Tsunami in November
  • The Tour de France
  • The Crones of Anarchy Facebook page
  • The idea that there is really a pee tape
  • Hearing my grandkids call me Nana
  • Memories of “Hulking out” for my kids when they were young
  • German chocolate cake
  • Robert Downey Jr.
  • Hearing an Al Green song.  Any Al Green song.
  • Cappuccinos in Rome
  • The opening number of Hamilton
  • The Kangaroo Sanctuary in Alice Springs, Australia
  • The possibility of a US Senator Beto O’Rourke
  • Meerkats
  • Reading your blogs (some of you make me LOL!)
  • Uptown Funk by Bruno Mars and Happy by Pharrell Williams
  • Hubs and 1 year old granddaughter watching the Five Little Ducks video
  • Any trip requiring a passport
  • Grandson and DIL dancing to We Know The Way from Moana
  • Any meme with Cadet Bonespurs and family/friends in orange jumpsuits
  • Hugs from either one of my sons
  • Roadrunner cartoons
  • Wonder Woman
  • Hitting that Publish button!

Whew.

So…I feel better.

What about you?

What makes you smile?  Laugh?  A funny story that made you belly laugh (so much so that maybe a little pee pee leaked out?)

Tell all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Love is love part deux

heartscherubs

So AGMA’s in France now. Oh la la…

I’m sure the wine and food and scenery are wonderful, but since I’m writing this before I go, I can’t swear to it. Pretty sure it is though.

As I wrote last week, I’m really going to try to write at least one post, maybe two, while I’m gone. One actually seems doable. I’ll never be a travel blogger…

AGMA isn’t one for beating a dead horse, but since I need some stuff to post this week, we’re returning to a familiar theme.

My WordPress SPAM folder.

Hmmm…Spam…I’m hungry…wonder if I can find any Spam in France?

Pig innards maybe.  Probably not Spam though. Which I think is made from pig innards…

My first post on blog spam, Love is Love, was actually the 7th top liked post of AGMA ever. I’m not too proud to play off of that modest success.

Especially when I get such AWESOME spam!

So without further ado, love – extreme love – from Emmett sent on 8/22/17 on my post No Close-Ups… (take a deep breath)

“I was very pleased to discover this page. I need to to thank you for ones time for this particularly fantastic read!! I definitely loved every little bit of it and i also have you book-marked to check out new information in your website. Can I simply say what a relief to uncover somebody that truly understands what they are talking about on the net. You actually realize how to bring a problem to light and make it important. More and more people should look at this and understand this side of the story. I was surprised you’re not more popular because you surely have the gift. Good write-up. I absolutely appreciate this site. Keep it up! It’s hard to find well-informed people on this subject, but you sound like you know what you’re talking about! Thanks You should be a part of a contest for one of the most useful sites on the web. I’m going to recommend this site! A motivating discussion is definitely worth comment. I believe that you ought to write more about this topic, it might not be a taboo subject but typically people don’t speak about these issues. To the next! All the best!! Hello! I simply would like to offer you a huge thumbs up for your excellent information you have right here on this post. I am returning to your web site for more soon. When I initially commented I appear to have clicked the -Notify me when new comments are added- checkbox and now every time a comment is added I receive four emails with the same comment. Is there a means you can remove me from that service? Kudos! The next time I read a blog, Hopefully it does not fail me just as much as this particular one. After all, Yes, it was my choice to read, nonetheless I genuinely believed you would probably have something helpful to talk about. Oh my goodness! Awesome article dude! Many thanks, However I am having issues with your RSS. I don’t understand why I cannot subscribe to it. Is there anyone else having similar RSS issues? Anyone that knows the solution can you kindly respond? Thanx!! An outstanding share! I have just forwarded this onto a colleague who had been doing a little research on this. And he in fact ordered me dinner because I stumbled upon it for him… lol. So allow me to reword this…. Thanks for the meal!! But yeah, thanx for spending some time to discuss this issue here on your site. After exploring a number of the blog posts on your website, I seriously like your way of writing a blog. I added it to my bookmark webpage list and will be checking back in the near future. Please visit my website as well and let me know your opinion. This website truly has all of the info I wanted about this subject and didn’t know who to ask. There’s certainly a lot to know about this subject. I really like all of the points you’ve made. You made some good points there. I checked on the net for more info about the issue and found most people will go along with your views on this site. Nice post. I learn something new and challenging on blogs I stumbleupon every day. It will always be exciting to read through content from other writers and use something from their web sites. I blog often and I seriously thank you for your content. This great article has really peaked my interest. I’m going to book mark your website and keep checking for new details about once per week. I opted in for your RSS feed as well. Pretty! This was an extremely wonderful post. Many thanks for providing these details.”

Exhale.

AGMA had 3 other posts in my SPAM folder that were every bit as long as this one. Two were almost identical to the one above.

Great minds right?

The third was indecipherable but I think it had a political spin to it.

Here’s a small excerpt – it was really long – of Gene’s comment from 8/29/2017 on Ciao Bella Italia Part Due

“many pastime “Grandmas intended for Bernie” switches, Laud the guy because of the length of his eye-sight, and moreover seem message to refuse the chance to put Clinton to a traditional way to the blue accommodate, playing that particular you will have another shot down the line.”

???

John Lennon was right, “All you need is love!” (dat da da da da…)

I run my marathon in 2 days.

Pray for me.

Hic…

Adventures with spam

Spam

I found the following email in my Junk folder last week.  It was titled “I AM AT THE AIRPORT WITH YOU PACKAGES

Attention

I AM DIPLOMATIC MR. FRED MILLER, I have been trying to reach you on your telephone about an hour now just to inform you about my successful arrival in country with your two boxes of consignment worth $23.7 million USD which I have been instructed by TNT COURIER COMPANY to be delivered to you. The Airport authorities demanded for all the legal back up to prove to them that the fund is no way related with drug nor fraud money.

I have presented the papers I handed to them and they are very much pleased with the papers I presented but the only thing that is still keeping me here is the airport delivery Tag which is not placed on the boxes, one of the Airport Authority has advise that we get the delivery tag so that I can exit the airport immediately and make my delivery successful .I try to reason with them and they stated that the delivery tag will cost you just $169 Dollars only to get the two tags placed on the boxes as that tag will enable me get to your house successfully without any interference. They scanned the boxes and found out that the fund is 100 % spendable and accepted by any bank in the whole world. As I can not afford to spend more time here due to other deliveries I have to take care of. I have more vital paper with me but I can only present you the hard copy when I reach your house as that is the diplomatic rules, such as authorization to deliver.

Reconfirm the following information below so that I can deliver your consignment boxes to you today.

  • NAME: =
  • ADDRESS: ==
  • MOBILE NO.:====
  • NAME OF YOUR NEAREST AIRPORT:====
  • A COPY OF YOUR IDENTIFICATION :======

Regards,

Mr Fred Miller

Phone number:   “ (AGMA deleted the phone number lest some of you are tempted to call Fred, send him needed $169 and move in on MY $23.7 million USD…)

With apologies to the Hormel Company and the thousands of Hawaiians who feel the use of the word that sounds and is spelled just like their beloved Spam to describe unwanted junk emails is just plain wrong, I’m not a fan of spam.  Either kind.  And in the 20+ years we’ve had an email address – actually several – we’ve seen our share of spam.  Lots o spam.

I feel a Monty Python song coming on…

But I am a fan of whimsey and imagination.  And I think this email is a tribute to the creative spirit that is apparently alive and well in the work-a-day swindler.  It had me at the title and it didn’t disappoint.  The grammar and punctuation could have been a bit more polished, but honestly, it’s simple, homespun quality actually added to the suspense of the story.  Fred surely know’s how to engage us by weaving a tale of international intrigue. Like a John le Carre novel, I didn’t want it to end when it did.

AGMA is eagerly anticipating the second installment.  Seriously, aren’t you just chomping at the bit to find out where Fred’s adventures take him next as he tries to deliver my “consignment”?  It’s like when I was a kid waiting to read the next book in  The Hardy Boys or Nancy Drew series.

Am I showing my age?

But just in case Fred and I connect, and I become rich beyond my wildest dreams, I assure you that I won’t let the fame and wealth go to my head.  AGMA will still continue.  I just might have my personal assistant do some ghost writing now and then…

And I’ll have my people call your people and maybe we can do lunch.

We can eat Spam.