Adventures with spam


I found the following email in my Junk folder last week.  It was titled “I AM AT THE AIRPORT WITH YOU PACKAGES


I AM DIPLOMATIC MR. FRED MILLER, I have been trying to reach you on your telephone about an hour now just to inform you about my successful arrival in country with your two boxes of consignment worth $23.7 million USD which I have been instructed by TNT COURIER COMPANY to be delivered to you. The Airport authorities demanded for all the legal back up to prove to them that the fund is no way related with drug nor fraud money.

I have presented the papers I handed to them and they are very much pleased with the papers I presented but the only thing that is still keeping me here is the airport delivery Tag which is not placed on the boxes, one of the Airport Authority has advise that we get the delivery tag so that I can exit the airport immediately and make my delivery successful .I try to reason with them and they stated that the delivery tag will cost you just $169 Dollars only to get the two tags placed on the boxes as that tag will enable me get to your house successfully without any interference. They scanned the boxes and found out that the fund is 100 % spendable and accepted by any bank in the whole world. As I can not afford to spend more time here due to other deliveries I have to take care of. I have more vital paper with me but I can only present you the hard copy when I reach your house as that is the diplomatic rules, such as authorization to deliver.

Reconfirm the following information below so that I can deliver your consignment boxes to you today.

  • NAME: =
  • ADDRESS: ==
  • MOBILE NO.:====


Mr Fred Miller

Phone number:   “ (AGMA deleted the phone number lest some of you are tempted to call Fred, send him needed $169 and move in on MY $23.7 million USD…)

With apologies to the Hormel Company and the thousands of Hawaiians who feel the use of the word that sounds and is spelled just like their beloved Spam to describe unwanted junk emails is just plain wrong, I’m not a fan of spam.  Either kind.  And in the 20+ years we’ve had an email address – actually several – we’ve seen our share of spam.  Lots o spam.

I feel a Monty Python song coming on…

But I am a fan of whimsey and imagination.  And I think this email is a tribute to the creative spirit that is apparently alive and well in the work-a-day swindler.  It had me at the title and it didn’t disappoint.  The grammar and punctuation could have been a bit more polished, but honestly, it’s simple, homespun quality actually added to the suspense of the story.  Fred surely know’s how to engage us by weaving a tale of international intrigue. Like a John le Carre novel, I didn’t want it to end when it did.

AGMA is eagerly anticipating the second installment.  Seriously, aren’t you just chomping at the bit to find out where Fred’s adventures take him next as he tries to deliver my “consignment”?  It’s like when I was a kid waiting to read the next book in  The Hardy Boys or Nancy Drew series.

Am I showing my age?

But just in case Fred and I connect, and I become rich beyond my wildest dreams, I assure you that I won’t let the fame and wealth go to my head.  AGMA will still continue.  I just might have my personal assistant do some ghost writing now and then…

And I’ll have my people call your people and maybe we can do lunch.

We can eat Spam.