A day in the life…

clock

I know that ya’ll have been wondering what my ‘typical’ day might look like.  “How does AGMA pass the time?” is a question you probably ask yourself on a daily basis.

Understandable.

Let’s use today as an example of a typical, dysfunctional day in my life.

While my day usually starts around 6:30 AM or 7:00 AM, I slept in a bit.  What??  But I had good reason.  Last night Hubs and I went to see….

…wait for it…

Jon Stewart and Dave Chappelle!  Yeah – THAT Jon Stewart and THAT Dave Chappelle.

With special guests Michelle Wolfe of the 2018 White House Correspondence Dinner fame and Chris Tucker of the Rush Hour movie franchise fame.

AGMA stayed up way too late gaffawing the night away.  But it was epic!

At 7:20 this morning, our cats, Gux and Max, made it known that they were over this sleeping nonsense, and that I needed to get up chop chop and feed them.  I went back to bed after depositing kibble in their bowls.

I got up again at 8:00 to clean up some food that Max puked up.  On our bedspread.

Delightful.

Hubs and I discovered about 20 minutes later that the REST of the food expelled by Max was in a huge pile on our bed sheet in between our pillows.  Glad I didn’t try to shimmy over to snuggle Hubs.

Double delightful.

With the washing machine now swishing in the background, AGMA got ready for the day.  This required I look in the mirror which is always a shocking proposition in the morning.

Washed, brushed, curled and flossed, it was time to take care of some work stuff.

My little Ebay business is picking up again so I needed to get a package ready to ship.  4 English china teacups and saucers.  Scary.  I know I used too much bubble wrap.  AGMA’s  anal in that way.

With the package sealed and labeled, now I needed to figure out if I had enough time to go to the USPO before my physical therapy appointment.

My appointment was in 40 minutes.  I still hadn’t had breakfast, the post office is 15 minutes away, then another 25 to my PT appt.

Just enough time if I grab a banana, put in a mobile order at Starbucks for a mocha, and get all green lights.

Unknown…how long of a line there would be at the Post Office.

AGMA’s always willing to roll the dice.

All green lights?  Not nearly, but there was no line in the USPO and I managed to avoid some accident brouhaha near Starbucks.

I got to my 11:00 AM appointment at precisely 10:59 AM.

It’s a charmed life!

My PT specializes in spine issues.  This is good since I recently found out I have a nasty case of scoliosis in my lumbar spine.  Really nasty.

Bummer.

But it explains a lot.  Since February, running has caused me a lot of hip pain and, later at night, radiating pain down my entire right leg.  Really ouchy stuff.  Difficult to get comfortable.  And I was limping like Chester on Gunsmoke (not everybody’s going to get that reference…)

This has been cause for concern.  I’m supposed to run 26.2 miles in early October as a charity runner.  Friends and family have donated over $2100 to the cause.

AGMA. Must. Run.

Exercises over the course of several weeks proved unsuccessful, so last week my PT tried “dry needling”.  Yeah – it’s just like it sounds…

He exposed my cellulite infested right buttock and proceeded to poke needles into my hindquarters.  It’s sort of like acupuncture, but the needles go deeper and into muscle tissue.

AGMA only yelped twice.

THEN he hooked some of the needles up to an electrical current.  He let my rear end pulsate for 15 minutes.  It felt like simmering butt stew.

But it helped immensely.  There are still some sensations down my leg, but no hip pain during my runs.  And my limp is still there, but it’s much reduced.

So AGMA showed up to my PT appointment today and said, “Bring it on!”

Because there’s been a bit of numbness in my right foot the past few days, he put even MORE needles in this week.  And he turned the current up so that, every now and then, one of my lateral rotator muscles in my rear would start to jiggle.  Like jello.  Cellulite jello.

AGMA kinda wanted a cigarette afterwards.

I’d love to have a picture of the whole set-up, but couldn’t figure out how to ask him without him thinking I was a bit of a freak.

Maybe next week I’ll try a selfie.  Of my butt with needles sticking out and little electrodes hooked up to them.

I am a freak.

And now I’m at Dancing Goats reading blogs, making comments, answering comments and writing this post.

Cats puking on the bed, speeding to the Post Office, shoving a banana down at a stoplight for sustenance, getting electrified needles stuck in my rear, blogging….

Pretty much a typical day for AGMA.

Aging Gracefully My Ass (literally…)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jon and I don’t feel funny today

emanuel

So this post is going to be a long rant.  And I don’t normally rant.  I’m sorry.  Sort of…

You might want to skip it if you don’t see any problems or have any issues with the racist, terrorist shooting that killed nine church members at a prayer meeting in Charleston, S.C. last week.  Mass murder.  Again.  Or you’re tired of hearing about it – yawn – and want to move on to the latest about Kim and Kanye.

It’s going to be a little bit like Jon Stewart’s monologue last Thursday evening.

Jon Stewart hosts a U.S. faux news show called The Daily Show on the Comedy Central Network.  But really, it’s more informative than the normal, “real” news.  He’s a highly intelligent comedian, well versed on the politics of the U.S. and the world. Somewhat of a prophetic voice, Jon calls his audience to examine the events of the day and the antics of our oh so wacky politicians and culture with a critical eye based on fact and logic rather than emotion, fear mongering and myth.

But he was emotional last Wednesday.  If you haven’t watched it, I highly recommend it.  It’s incredibly powerful and echo’s the sentiments of many, many Americans despite what those of you outside of the U.S. might think.  We aren’t all gun-toting racist whack jobs…  Really.

Check out Jon’s monologue out here.

I’ve loved my country and been proud to be an American for most of my life.  Now, I’m not so sure what I think or feel.

When I was growing up, the U.S. was the envy of the world.  Post-World War II, we were seen as the savior of Europe and the Pacific at the cost of many precious American lives.  We invested millions of dollars and countless manpower hours into rebuilding Europe out of the ashes of that devastating war.  Until it’s fall, we were the only country with the clout and means to stand up to the Soviet bullies, and protect our allies.  Nothing like being able to match nuke for nuke.

We struggled through the internal trauma of the 60’s and early 70’s – the Vietnam War, the devastating race riots, the assassinations of truly great men, the revolt of the farm workers, Watergate, the sexual revolution, the rise of the drug culture…  Whew. And I believed we emerged from the struggles a better country for it.  Not perfect by any means, but it felt as if we were moving forward on social, economic, racial, cultural and gender issues.

But something has gone terribly, horribly wrong.  Now, instead of being the envy of the world, we’ve become the butt of jokes; the laughing stock of most civilized nations for our parochial ways.  Yet there are people in the U.S. who naively believe we are still the greatest and most powerful country in the world.  And there is no such thing as climate change.  And the Confederate flag should fly above Southern state capitals.  When I travel to Europe, people ask me what in the world is going on in the U.S.  Have we gone crazy?  Yep…

A totally dysfunctional, gridlocked government for sale to the highest bidder. Corporations considered “people” and donating unlimited amounts to puppet candidates.  Lobbyists dictating to our legislators how to vote on virtually all of the issues with the gun lobby being one of the loudest and most influential voice in our local, state and Federal governments.  Fun stuff.

I believe the framers of our Constitution were brilliant men.  They recognized the importance of defending our new nation.  So, the 2nd Amendment, as ratified by Congress in 1790 states:

“A well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed.”

The key words are A WELL REGULATED MILITIA.  I’m not the sharpest needle in the pincushion, but 14 mass shootings since 2009 does not look like a “well regulated militia” to me.  The absence of background checks prior to buying guns in many states doesn’t look like a “well regulated militia” to me.  The lack of laws requiring gun permits or gun registration in many states doesn’t look like “a well regulated militia” to me.  The ease of availability of semi-automatic assault weapons to anybody with the money to buy them doesn’t look like “a well regulated militia” to me.

I’m pretty sure we’d get a great big fail from our Founding Fathers for not regulating our “militia”.  I’m pretty sure they’d scrap the 2nd Amendment and start over.  And I’m pretty sure that I would agree with them.

For those fellow Americans who really don’t mind having mass shootings, on average, every 67 days (since 2011), I just hope you aren’t in the next movie theater or church or 1st grade or college classroom when the “renegade, unregulated militia” comes to call.  Bang bang – they’ll shoot you down too even with your conceal and carry.

Just don’t think America is the best or greatest any more.  Our blatant disregard for the sacredness of the rainbow of human life for the “right” to have semi-automatic assault weapons puts us in the same category as say – oh I don’t know – maybe ISIS and Al Qaeda?  Those rascally fellows…

Mentally ill individual just sounds so much better than domestic terrorist doesn’t it?