Control freak

 

ControlFreakMeme

Source:  RotteneCards

Okay, I know this is going to sound morbid, but AGMA’s started gathering the pictures I want displayed at my funeral/memorial/celebration of life service.

Ewwww…  Who does that?

Note of disclosure:  There is no imminent threat of my departing this life anytime time soon that I am aware.  No new medical diagnosis or forebodings. Nothing (other than the normal ‘I could step out on a street and get hit by a car’ notion) that would lead me to believe I need to hurry up and get my affairs in order.

AGMA’s just a bit of a control freak.

I was trying to sort out the junk we have in our 4th floor closets.  Since we live in a townhouse with no basement, but a finished top level, the 4th floor has become what our basements used to be…  The place of collection of our precious belongs.

You know, the junk.

Found…a Lladro figurine collection.  They’ve been in a box since 2010.  Also found….the chachkies/pictures we had on our built-in bookcases two houses ago.  They’ve been in a box since 2010 too.

AGMA can’t say that I’ve missed them.

We have two walk-in closets on the 4th floor.  The wire shelving in both have collapsed and ripped out of the wall from the weight of the myriad of boxes I stacked on them.

Oops…

I haven’t told Hubs yet.

So in trying to bring order out of chaos before informing Hubs, I started digging into some of the boxes that fell.  There was one with shoeboxes – soooo many shoeboxes – of pictures from 1963 to the early 2000’s in them.

Of course, AGMA couldn’t resist a stumble down memory lane.

Fresh on my mind was my old friend Scott.  Scott had been a friend of Hubs and I since college.  He was younger than us by a few years and full of energy, life, fun and mischief.

In the days before social media, for all of you young whippersnappers out there, the annual Christmas/holiday letter via snail mail was our version of a timeline.  Far flung friends got brought up to date with our lives over the preceding year through this annual ritual.

And so it was with Scott after we graduated.  For 30+ years, we communicated once a year with him.

Then, in 2011, we started making annual trips back to Tucson to visit my MIL and old friends still living there.  Like Scott.

We were delighted to discover that he was much the same – full of energy, life, fun and mischief.  30+ years older, yes, but with a positive outlook on life that was contagious.  He was like Peter Pan – the boy who never really grew up.  We always looked forward to visiting Scott, and hearing about his latest adventures and plans for the future.

Our last visit to Tucson was this past October.  We a lovely evening with Scott and his new wife.  I felt like he’d finally found his soul mate.  We had a great time with them.

Last week, we heard through a friend that Scott was in hospice.  WTF?  Two days later his wife let us know that Scott had passed away.

He was only 62.

So while AGMA was looking through those old pictures on the 4th floor, my heart was heavy at the sudden loss of our friend.  And I started wondering what his memorial service would be like.

I hope that it will be fun and uplifting just like Scott was.  And full of images from his life which was a wonderful mix of adventure, service to the less fortunate and family.  Hubs is going and will give me a full report when he gets back.

But then I started wondering what AGMA’s ‘celebration of life’ might be like.  Not in a morbid sense; more curious than anything else.   And what kind of images there will be to show the highlights/lowlights (gotta keep it real) of AGMA’s time on earth to those who come to party.  Because it WILL be a party.

Oh no – this is just too important to leave up to Hubs and sons…  They’re guys and wouldn’t have a clue.

So I started putting ‘AGMA approved’ pictures aside for that final hoorah.

I can hear the announcement at the memorial now, “AGMA selected all of the pictures in this montage of her life many years ago because she was such a freaking CONTROL FREAK!”

That’s cool…

At least I know I’ll look cute.

RIP sweet Peter Pan.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Priorities

candle_3011

When AGMA’s brilliant and witty progeny were growing up, they had very little contact with both sets of grandparents.

Not such a bad thing considering my in-laws and my dad were crazy.  Sort of.  My step-mother was wonderful, but she kinda had be in the line with what my dad wanted.

One set of grands lived in Arizona. Then New York. Then Kentucky. Then Tennessee. Then North Carolina.  Then back to Arizona.  True Amurkin’ gypsies.

AGMA could understand the infrequent visits from Arizona and New York.  But North Carolina and Tennessee were within a pretty easy day’s drive from Cincinnati, where we lived.  And Kentucky was right next door.

But still, their visits were few and far between.  Again, not such a bad thing for a myriad of reasons, but I know the kids would have liked to have seen them more often.

But they were busy doing other stuff.  They didn’t have the time.

My dad and step-mother always lived close – within a 4 hour drive.  But they rarely visited.  We always had to bring the kids to them.

But they were busy doing other stuff.  My dad said that they just didn’t have the time.

I thought it was odd at the time.  I mean, they seemed to always find the time to go other places. But never to see their grandchildren.

Now that AGMA’s a Nana herself, it’s beyond comprehension to me.

But it was all about priorities.

I understood on some level that building a relationship with their grandchildren was not very important to them.  Or at least not as important as other things in their lives.  Not important enough to spend the $$, time and energy on.

And that’s actually a great way to define priorities.

Where you spend the most of your time, $$ and energy?

AGMA is struggling with my priorities right now.  Time, $$ and energy is too damned limited these days!

High on my list are the MAGITW (most adorable grandchildren in the world).  Hubs and I travel to Chicago frequently; lately it’s been once every 4 to 6 weeks.  AGMA’s in Nana heaven.

Another biggie is travel.  After taking some big trips overseas when AGMA was a young woman, my travel bug had to go underground for most of my adult life until we had the time and the means again.  That didn’t happen until about 2010.

Ya’ll know I love me my travel adventures!

Running is another priority.  More than just the physical aspect and the health benefits, it enriches my life emotionally and spiritually.  Plus AGMA can eat and drink a lot more yummy stuff when she’s training and it doesn’t immediately plant itself on my midsection and thighs.

Maintaining extended family relationships is another priority.  It takes time and energy and in some cases $$ to do that.  I’ve been very intentional at building relationships with my nieces as adults, their spouses and their kids over the last 12 years.  And it’s worked!  My great niece and nephews pretty much adore their crazy great aunt AGMA.  And my nieces are more like girlfriends.

But since AGMA grand babies have made their appearances, my visits to said nieces & families have been scaled back.

Priorities…

And maintaining relationships with friends.  That’s important too.  “Friendships are like gardens – they need to be tended or they get overgrown with the weeds of neglect.”  That’s not an AGMA original – I think I read it somewhere…

But it’s true.

AGMA’s new role as an activist is important too.  There is SO MUCH to be done on the local, state and Federal level.  There are phone calls to be made, postcards to write, $$ to donate, social media posts begging to be read and re-posted.

#MAGA

Oh, and I’m still working part-time as a therapeutic massage therapist so obviously my clients are a priority.  They have to be if AGMA wants to keep earning the big bucks (sputter, laugh, choke!)

And AGMA, my blog.  That’s a priority for me.  Most of the time.  I try to set aside the time each week to blog, but it doesn’t always work with my travel and work schedule.

Which brings me to the origin of this post…

Frustration.  It’s been weeks since I’ve made reading your wonderful WordPress posts a priority.  And I hate that.  I tried catching up today with some of you but the volume was so overwhelming that I quit.  Ya’ll are great writers and I hate that I can’t read everything you write, but…

I only have so much WordPress time today.  And I need to respond to comments and write a post.

Priorities…

I know I waste time.   AGMA’s at that point in her life where my candle burns down pretty fast as the day goes by, and by the time evening comes, I’m spent.  So I just fiddly fart around and don’t get anything of substance done after about 7 PM.

Priorities…

There’s a glimmer of hope though.

I’ve rousted my bottom out of bed earlier than normal the past two mornings to do Centering Prayer.  AGMA used to do this on a daily basis and it was important to me.  But it got pushed out by running and travel and work and family and ___________(fill in the blank).  It hasn’t been a priority for me of a while.  And I’ve missed it.  I’ve missed the insight it gives me about myself and the world.  I’ve missed the peace and calm that washes over me when I spend some time with the great I AM, the Lover of my soul.

I can’t figure out how to make everything “fit” into my life, but I think I might be on the right track again.

Two days and counting…

 

 

 

 

 

Lazy or just terrified perfectionist?

meatballs

AGMA has a very, very busy week ahead of her.

Tomorrow (Tuesday) I am working all day. I have two private clients in the late morning/early afternoon, then am off to a corporate chair massage job in the late afternoon.

I’ll be catatonic tomorrow evening.

Wednesday is cleaning ladies day. So it’s always hectic cleaning before the cleaning ladies arrive to clean.

I know…oxymoron.

Then, Wednesday afternoon, Hubs and I jet off to New Orleans for two nights. It’s been 8 years since we’ve been to NOLA. Way too long. A cheap airfare, a nice but cheap hotel (who wants to broil in New Orleans in July?) and memory of the chargrilled oysters at Acme Oyster House sealed the deal.

And being antsy because AGMA hasn’t traveled anywhere in over 4 weeks.

Oh, the humanity…

We get back on Friday. I have to run 20 miles on Saturday and then we’re having the long postponed retirement party for Hubs on Sunday.

Today is really the only day I have to plan and do most of the shopping for Sunday. And get all my other “life stuff” taken care of before the weekend.

So what am I doing?

AGMA has spend a good part of the afternoon on WordPress, reading blogs and making my wry, witty, and/or poignant comments. And enjoying it immensely. It’s as if I’m as carefree as Trump Jr.s at one of his “adoption” meetings with that Russian lawyer.

La di da di da…

A friend posted this article, “You Aren’t Lazy – You’re Just Terrified: On Paralysis And Perfectionism” on her FB page. It hits the nail on the head. Not that AGMA is terrified. Or a perfectionist. A quick scan through my blog will confirm that.

And while I don’t “spend days at a time in bed, staring at the ceiling and thinking of all the things I could be doing but can’t because I know I would do them imperfectly” as #OCDame does, AGMA does tend to get a form of mental paralysis if I feel overwhelmed.

Like now.

Let the procrastination begin!

I know…oxymoron.

“Screw it all…I’m going to just do what I want to do and not what I really need to do.”, seems to be where my head has been today.

I’m mostly stressed about the party. And what AGMA’s going to serve to drink and eat. And how the house is going to look. Everybody coming is very “Atlanta urban.” Many have really superb taste in food, wine and decor.

AGMA doesn’t want to come across as lacking.  Too badly that is.

But 20 miles in my legs on Saturday is going to really limit my energy level.

Who’s idea was it to pick this date for Hubs party anyway?

Hmmmm…I think that might actually be AGMA.

Years ago, in another life in another universe, AGMA was a Midwestern Soccer Mom. I threw parties two or three times a year. I had my standard, solid Midwestern table snacks that I served over and over and over and over. Meatballs with sauerkraut in cranberry bbq sauce, toasted sausage cheese topped rye bread, cocktail wienies wrapped in Pillsbury croissant dough, ambrosia salad.

Low fat, low calorie stuff, ya know…

It was all very 90’s.

That stuff’s not gonna fly in July in Atlanta. Okay, well, maybe the meatballs. EVERYBODY loves those crockpot meatballs no matter how refined their palate or how hot it is outside.

And then AGMA remembers that they are friends. Friends we love to get together with. And laugh with. And get a little tipsy with. And laugh a lot more with.

They don’t expect perfection from themselves and they sure as hell don’t expect perfection from me.

Okay, so now I don’t feel so bad about hanging out on WP all afternoon.

Hubs and I are gonna have a great time in NOLA. And I’ll survive the run on Saturday.

Somehow.

And we’re all gonna eat meatballs on Sunday. And laugh. A lot.

It’s gonna be a great party!