Of tramp tats and haircuts


I got a haircut last week. And not just cut but CUT.

My husband’s hair is longer in the back than mine. And his hair looks like he could be a Marine Sergeant.

When I got to the salon, my tattoo covered, septal cartilage pierced 30 something stylist asked me if I wanted the same cut as last time. “No”, I said. “I want something that’s a bit edgier and doesn’t make me look like I’m in my 60‘s.

Even though I am in my 60’s… But that’s beside the point.

She looked at me kinda funny. And I think I saw her eyes roll back ever so slightly.

“Do you have some pictures of haircuts you like?” she asked me. A very sensible question.

“No, but I thought about doing that.” I sounded pathetic.

Another, more pronounced, eye roll.

Her voice sounded a little strained when she said, “You should create a Pintrest board and pin the hairstyles you like on it to show me.”

What, huh?

Her eyes went really far back in her head this time.

Sighing, she pulled out “the book”.

“The book” is standard issue in some salons. It’s a binder that has pictures, in page protecters, evidently protect them from salon goo, of what the salon considers trendy hairstyles. It’s for people who don’t know what they want to look like, but they know they don’t want to look like they do now.

Like me.

I have many questions about “the book”. How do they pick the hairstyle pictures that are in it? There was one picture of Ellen Degeneres…do they have to pay her to use her picture? Is is a per binder or per picture view remuneration? Can all the stylists cut all of the hairstyle in “the book” or do they just have to get sorta close? Do they have a book for men or are the styles supposed to be unisex?

“The book” is kind of one size fits all. It doesn’t separate hairstyles for teenagers from Millennials from GenXer’s. And it sure doesn’t have a “mature” woman’s section. Or maybe the Ellen picture is the mature women’s section. I mean, she is over 55.

“What if I pick a style that won’t look good on me?”  I was kind of whining.

Like Yoda with an attitude she said, “I’ll tell you if it will look good on you or not.”  Then she flipped “the book” open to a page with a young blond with short hair and long bangs sweeping over to the side. “This would look good on you.”

I picked the Ellen picture.

“Do you want bangs as short as her’s?” she said with just the slightest blush of condescension in her voice.

I’ve heard that tone before. I could tell this was a warning. Like when you ask your neighbor, “Do you really want to vote for Donald Trump?”

“No”, I acquiesced. Evidently, this was the correct answer.

She flipped briskly back to the young blond with the long bangs and said, “Well then here’s what you’ll look like.”

I wanted to joke with her and tell her that, even in my youthful, pre-salt and pepper color prime, I could have never, ever looked like that. But she had sharp scissors in her hands. My self preservation instinct kicked in.

I was silent.

For those of you who don’t know this, when you wear glasses, they have to come off when you get a haircut. It’s some basic beauty school rule (do they still call it beauty school?) in Haircut 101 I guess. And because I’m terribly near sighted, I can never really see what’s happening. Oh, I hear the scissors snipping and the clippers clipping and the blow drying drying, but I’m not sure exactly what’s going on back there. Until it’s done.

And I’ve had some shocks in the past when the glasses went back on.

This time, it was a shock, but not a bad one.  I think…

It was short. Really short. But it looked good. I didn’t look any younger. Or like Ellen or the young blond. But it fulfilled my “slightly edgy” requirement and definitely updated my look from mature frump to progressive, urban matron.

When my stylist took a good gander at it, she said, “That really looks good on you!”  She sounded more surprised that I thought she should have sounded.

I’m getting used to it. I went from an earlobe length bob in the summer to a medium-short do in the fall to being scalped.

It’s winter and my ears are cold.

But I’m getting lots of compliments on it which is always encouraging. “It’s better to look good than have warm ears” I always say.

I wonder if she’ll try to talk me into getting a tramp tat next time? Not sure it would take that much convincing.  Kinda goes with the AGMA theme.

Stay tuned…

2/11/16   Since publishing this yesterday, there has been an outcry to see a picture of my new do.  Well, two people asked….  Here I am – sort of.   Hey – it’s an anonymous blog.  What did you expect?