Sparkle on!

AGMA’s out of control…

So much to do; so little time.  Getting back from our trip on 12/7 has given me a massive holiday headache.  Ouch!

The 2nd New Zealand travel post needs to simmer until after the holidays.

Until then, ya’ll can be mildly amused by my holiday post from 2014.  Was true then; is true now.

Glitter.  Everywhere.

Merry, merry!!

The AGMA Christmas Card Conspiracy Theory

Sparkle2

I think I’ve figured it out…  I know how the Chinese are going to take over the world.  Or at least the parts of the world that send glittery greeting cards

I wonder if anybody will believe me?

Last year, I bought some 75% off holiday cards after Christmas to send this year.  Yeah – I’m cheap.  I liked them because they have pretty sparkles.  They were made in China.

I bought some extra Christmas cards a few weeks ago because I needed more.  They also have pretty sparkles on them.  They were made in China.

Most of the Christmas cards I’ve received this year so far have pretty sparkles on them.  I checked the backs of each card.  They were made in China.

My sister has a late December birthday.  I bought a birthday card for her that has pretty sparkle balloons over the birthday cake on the front.  You guessed it –  made in China.

Hmmm – now I’m not the sharpest needle in the haystack, but I think I’m seeing a common thread…

Think about it.  As soon as you take those cards out of the box, those damn sparkles go everywhere.  I opened a sparkly card last week on the kitchen counter near the phone.  Later in the day, I found sparkles on our cooktop which is across the room.  Huh?

Accident?  I don’t think so…

We have cats.  The sparkles get on the floor.  Our cats daintily prance through the errant sparkles on the floor getting them on their paws.  They’re now carriers.

The sparkles get on the kitchen counters.  All over the kitchen counters.  The cats aren’t allowed on the counters.  Yeah – right. Telling a cat “No!” works so well…

So their paws end up covered in sparkles.  At this point, because cats will not be denied access anywhere, you start finding sparkles all over the house.   Literally, everywhere.  Really, in places that would shock and surprise you.

And I realized – it’s all an ingenious, insidious plot.  They’re using our pets against us to spread the sparkles.  It’s like something you’d find on The Sci-Fi channel.

“What’s there to fear from a few ill placed sparkles?” you ask.  Other than you don’t feel like sparkles in your morning coffee.  Or your scrambled eggs.  Or stuck to your boob.

It’s “just” sparkles now my friends, but what about next year?  Or the year after?

Scientists are already working on making graphene practical for use in computers and everyday electronics.  In case you don’t know, graphene is a carbon sheet only one atom thick.  It’s the new miracle substance that is supposed to revolutionize the electronics industry because it conducts electricity 100 faster than the silcone.  Stronger than steel but flexible, it’s a nano-sized superconductor.  Seriously, this stuff if pretty darned amazing.

But one atom thick?  Gosh, that’s teeny, tiny, itty-bitty.  Small enough to fit on something really tiny.  Really tiny like – oh, I don’t know – a sparkle maybe?

And so it begins…

Again, I’m not the fastest pony in the stable, but sometimes I can connect the dots.

Today it’s a sparkle.  Tomorrow it’s a digital communications tool the size of a piece of glitter stuck to your ass beaming all of your junk over to the Chinese version YouTube.

Merry Christmas Beijing.

 

10 thoughts on “Sparkle on!

  1. I recently read how most blood pressure medications are made in China, which in a way horrified me. What better way to wreak havoc on a citizenry. Not that I’m accusing the Chinese of wanting to do that, mind you. But a conspiratorialist might see the sparkles as just the start. Just sayin’ – Marty

    Liked by 1 person

    • Eek… And so many people are on HBP meds! Somehow, that doesn’t seem like a good idea! And what’s this with you taking a break and not allowing comments?? Because you know we would all whine about you taking a break… Enjoy your time off! I’ll miss your wit and wisdom!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Sounds like the plot for a new horror flick. Maybe the sparkles are watching us, or maybe they will all turn into evil flying monkeys with gold eye eyelashes, or unicorns who use their horns to hypnotize us into buying more cheap Chinese products, so many more that we all suffocate and die in piles of plastic that can be seen from Space. You got me thinking AGMA. I wonder if the Chief Cheeto knows about this?

    Liked by 2 people

  3. You made me chuckle (again), thanks for no photos this post! LOL, we don’t want AGMA to get an R rating LOL. A new conspiracy theory, like we needed another one eh? Anyone see the response if you google “conspiracy” lately? Enjoy the sparkles dear friend, and the cats, and get the glow in the dark ones next year so when you get up in the night you can scare the cats !

    Like

    • Glow in the dark ones – oh my…things just made a turn for the worse! I’m afraid to google conspiracy theory – I don’t think I have the constitution to read the results. Or I’ll need to have had some adult beverages before hand. And FYI, I could easily be R rated. Sometimes I have to do a shi…eh…a boat load of editing. Ha!

      Liked by 1 person

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