The conversation went something like this past Sunday:
AGMA: I really need you two to try a bit harder.
Legs: Ahem – lady, we’re going as fast as we can.
AGMA: Look, I gained 3 pounds carb loading since Thursday and hydrated like a pro for the past two days just for you. And I’ve been doing a great job taking in nutrition on the run. You two have everything you need to go faster. So what’s the deal?
Legs: Yea – thanks for doing all that, but we already told you…we’re moving as fast as we can. Seriously.
AGMA: I admit I didn’t have the best training season this winter. My 23 mile training run was a long 6 weeks ago. But I did 18 miles two weeks ago. That’s gotta count for something!
Legs: Well, that could actually be part of the problem… Six weeks was really too long ago for your long training run. We know you tried to make it up a bit with the 18 miler, but two weeks really isn’t quite long enough for us to fully recover from that. We’re still a bit undertrained and tired.
AGMA: Complain, complain, complain…
Legs: You can’t get away with that stuff at your age. You’re not 35 anymore you know.
AGMA: Ouch! That hurts!
Legs: How ironic…we’re hurting right now too.
AGMA: But ya’ll did so well in Chicago last year.
Legs: For heaven’s sake – that was 12 months ago! You were 8 lbs lighter, Ms. Chunky, when you ran Chicago, it was cooler and Chicago is a pancake flat course. By the way, what the hell is with these hills today?? Did you know there were going to be hills in this run??
AGMA: Kinda… But seriously, you both need to pick up the tempo. I really wanted to finish with a time around 6 hours and 30 minutes. At the rate you’re both going, I’m not gonna do it.
Legs: Oh boo hoo…now that’s a real 1st world problem right there. Do we need to remind you that you are running today, against our advice, while you have a raging cold. We mean, who does that?? We tried to tell you this morning not to get up and run. But nooooooo…..
AGMA: OK – you don’t need to remind me. Trust me, I really wanted to turn the alarm off this morning, take some cold meds and go back to sleep. But three other people are doing this race because I talked them into it. I couldn’t not show up at the start.
Legs: Uh…yes, you could have. But that’s beside the point now. We’re over 22 miles into this thing. We promise you we’ll finish, but it’ll be on our terms. Got it?
AGMA: Good grief. I’m totally dealing with a couple of divas. But, okay, I guess…
Legs: Glad to see that you’re being more reasonable.
AGMA: But when I cross the finish line, can I get some action down there? Like prancing or leaping or maybe a little dance?
(The Legs did indeed keep their promise and finished the 26.2 miles in a very slow 6 hour 41 minutes and change. AGMA was grateful to them that they enabled her to finish her 7th marathon. And, despite their petulance, they did provide several leaps at the finish then proceeded to ache for the next 3 days to spite her. )