So last week turned out to be every bit as cray cray as AGMA thought it would.
Readers Digest version… We went to Naples, Florida on Thursday for a weekend wedding. Son #1 was Best Man so he rented a 5 bedroom condo and brought the wife and kids. And my DIL’s parents came as well. And Son #2.
And we celebrated my sweet grandaughter’s 2nd birthday. And got together with my Belle Mare’s (DIL’s mom) newly discovered siblings (thanks to Hubs brilliant genealogy research – that’s going to be a whole other post!)
And got together with my old boss who I haven’t seen in 5 years. And entertained a few friends who came down for the wedding. And went to the beach.
Besides the wedding, we went to the “out of towners” cocktail reception the night before. And all the guests were invited to breakfast on Sunday.
The groom is my Son #1’s BFF and was Best Man in my son’s wedding eight years ago. They grew up together in Cincinnati, a lovely, but very conservative town in southwestern Ohio.
I used to be very good friends with Groom’s mom. And all of the other moms of the kids Son #1 hung around with in Junior and Senior High.
But something ugly and orange happened on November 8, 2016.
And we are no longer good friends. Some of the moms defriended me on Facebook because of my rather “spirited” comments on Cadet Bone Spurs and his Nazi posse. Others, I’m sure, are following my posts closely and report them to the Bolton Gestapo.
AGMA won’t be going into any US Embassies on my travels.
So what’s the best passive aggressive way to show these GOP right wing Ohio mom’s that AGMA denounces all the hate the Massive Cheeto stands for, and is pro-humanity, pro-decency, pro-diversity, pro-equality, and pro-compassion?
I needed to show up at that wedding looking absolutely fabulous. Of course.
This proved to be a challenge. AGMA is a no make-up, comfy jeans, and Birkenstocks (generic of course…) kinda gal.
But I had a plan:
Step 1. Get a “blow-out”. It’s not what it sounds like… It’s where you go to a hair salon looking place, but they don’t do haircuts. They only wash, blow-dry and style your hair. I spent $44 bucks (ouch) and the “do” lasted for about 8 hours. But it was long enough.
Step 2. Wear make-up. The “blow-out” place also does make-up, but AGMA felt that would be over kill. So for what I would have spent on them smearing stuff on my face, I went out and bought a whole slew of make-up and brushes. Evidently you need a separate brush for everything. Seems like a bit of a racket…
Step 3. Wear a fabulous dress. AGMA doesn’t like wearing dresses. So I really needed it to be very comfy. But chic. I found a winner on a visit to Nordstrom’s Rack,. And better yet, it was on sale for – I kid you not – $13.50.
Crazy considering it was a great brand, lined and really good quality.
And it has a little strip of rhinestones in back. At the top before the back plunges down almost to my waist.
A plunging back? With my barcalounger lazy girls that require severe trussing up on a daily basis?
If you didn’t already, you can read about them on a post I wrote not too long ago here.
Ever the optimist, AGMA felt confident that I could find some way to hold them in place. Somehow.
There are these things called “sticky” bras. They are supposed to hold you up and allow you to wear backless, strapless stuff. AGMA found out they are mostly made for 34AA types.
I need support. Lots and lots and lots of support. There were a few who made that promise… I bought a “sticky” bra at a store and ordered another one online to have options.
Then I found this hysterical post about a woman in a similar situation. Her conclusion, “Stick-on bras are not made for women with a lotta boob, full stop.”
The magic answer was to tape the ladies into submission.
Not scotch tape or duct tape or electrical tape, but Gaffer Tape.
I did a practice taping at home to make sure that it would work. AGMA wanted to give the girls the help they needed, but also wanted to make sure the damn stuff would really stick. Disaster could ensure if it let loose at the wrong time.
Oh the humanity!
To make a long story that NOBODY wants to hear short, it worked!
My hair looked fantastic. I did a decent job of putting on makeup (AGMA practiced that too!) and wore lipstick. And the dress was lovely and chic in front but oh so sexy in back.
Take that you GOPers!
There was one point in the evening, after I had been dancing up a storm and sweating a bit, that I felt a few of the “anchor” pieces sort of peel off. Uh oh… But it lasted a few more dances until we left the reception.
It was a beautiful wedding. The bride was stunning and the groom dashingly handsome. Son #1’s toast went over very well. And we all, blue, red, and purple, behaved ourselves and nobody talked politics.
We got home late Monday afternoon. AGMA’s still exhausted.
But that’s okay… I can sleep on the plane tonight.
Yup – AGMA’s hitting the road yet again.
This time it’s a short trip to Istanbul (or is it Constantinople?)
And AGMA and Hubs are going to go to a Turkish Bath.
I sense a really funny blog post in a week or so…