Tape me!

20181030_184649

So last week turned out to be every bit as cray cray as AGMA thought it would.

Readers Digest version…  We went to Naples, Florida on Thursday for a weekend wedding.  Son #1 was Best Man so he rented a 5 bedroom condo and brought the wife and kids.  And my DIL’s parents came as well.  And Son #2.

And we celebrated my sweet grandaughter’s 2nd birthday.  And got together with my Belle Mare’s (DIL’s mom) newly discovered siblings (thanks to Hubs brilliant genealogy research – that’s going to be a whole other post!)

And got together with my old boss who I haven’t seen in 5 years.  And entertained a few friends who came down for the wedding.  And went to the beach.

Besides the wedding, we went to the “out of towners” cocktail reception the night before.  And all the guests were invited to breakfast on Sunday.

Busy.

The groom is my Son #1’s BFF and was Best Man in my son’s wedding eight years ago.  They grew up together in Cincinnati, a lovely, but very conservative town in southwestern Ohio.

I used to be very good friends with Groom’s mom.  And all of the other moms of the kids Son #1 hung around with in Junior and Senior High.

But something ugly and orange happened on November 8, 2016.

And we are no longer good friends.  Some of the moms defriended me on Facebook because of my rather “spirited” comments on Cadet Bone Spurs and his Nazi posse.  Others, I’m sure, are following my posts closely and report them to the Bolton Gestapo.

AGMA won’t be going into any US Embassies on my travels.

So what’s the best passive aggressive way to show these GOP right wing Ohio mom’s that AGMA denounces all the hate the Massive Cheeto stands for, and is pro-humanity, pro-decency, pro-diversity, pro-equality, and pro-compassion?

I needed to show up at that wedding looking absolutely fabulous.  Of course.

This proved to be a challenge.  AGMA is a no make-up, comfy jeans, and Birkenstocks (generic of course…) kinda gal.

But I had a plan:

Step 1.  Get a “blow-out”.  It’s not what it sounds like…  It’s where you go to a hair salon looking place, but they don’t do haircuts.  They only wash, blow-dry and style your hair.  I spent $44 bucks (ouch) and the “do” lasted for about 8 hours.  But it was long enough.

Step 2.  Wear make-up.  The “blow-out” place also does make-up, but AGMA felt that would be over kill.  So for what I would have spent on them smearing stuff on my face, I went out and bought a whole slew of make-up and brushes.  Evidently you need a separate brush for everything. Seems like a bit of a racket…

Step 3.  Wear a fabulous dress.  AGMA doesn’t like wearing dresses.  So I really needed it to be very comfy.  But chic.  I found a winner on a visit to Nordstrom’s Rack,.  And better yet, it was on sale for – I kid you not – $13.50.

Crazy considering it was a great brand, lined and really good quality.

And it has a little strip of rhinestones in back.  At the top before the back plunges down almost to my waist.

What??

A plunging back?  With my barcalounger lazy girls that require severe trussing up on a daily basis?

If you didn’t already, you can read about them on a post I wrote not too long ago here.

Ever the optimist, AGMA felt confident that I could find some way to hold them in place.  Somehow.

There are these things called “sticky” bras.  They are supposed to hold you up and allow you to wear backless, strapless stuff.  AGMA found out they are mostly made for 34AA types.

I need support.  Lots and lots and lots of support.  There were a few who made that promise…  I bought a “sticky” bra at a store and ordered another one online to have options.

Then I found this hysterical post about a woman in a similar situation.  Her conclusion, “Stick-on bras are not made for women with a lotta boob, full stop.”

Her solution?

Tape.

The magic answer was to tape the ladies into submission.

Not scotch tape or duct tape or electrical tape, but Gaffer Tape.

I did a practice taping at home to make sure that it would work.  AGMA wanted to give the girls the help they needed, but also wanted to make sure the damn stuff would really stick.  Disaster could ensure if it let loose at the wrong time.

Oh the humanity!

To make a long story that NOBODY wants to hear short, it worked!

My hair looked fantastic. I did a decent job of putting on makeup (AGMA practiced that too!) and wore lipstick.  And the dress was lovely and chic in front but oh so sexy in back.

Take that you GOPers!

There was one point in the evening, after I had been dancing up a storm and sweating a bit, that I felt a few of the “anchor” pieces sort of peel off.  Uh oh…  But it lasted a few more dances until we left the reception.

Sweet.

It was a beautiful wedding.  The bride was stunning and the groom dashingly handsome.  Son #1’s toast went over very well.  And we all, blue, red, and purple, behaved ourselves and nobody talked politics.

We got home late Monday afternoon.  AGMA’s still exhausted.

But that’s okay…   I can sleep on the plane tonight.

Yup – AGMA’s hitting the road yet again.

This time it’s a short trip to Istanbul (or is it Constantinople?)

And AGMA and Hubs are going to go to a Turkish Bath.

I sense a really funny blog post in a week or so…

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

26 thoughts on “Tape me!

  1. Once again, you do make it challenging for a man to comment appropriately on a post of yours. You’re a tricky one, AGMA, but I’m up for the task. Cadet Bone Spurs and Massive Cheeto? Now that is worth bringing to light here! I do struggle on a regular basis on how to refer to the man, so I’m grateful for your adding to my arsenal. Oh, and congrats to the temporary improvements to the upper structure, so to speak.

    Travel safe to Istanbul… the Four Lads got nothin’ on you! – Marty

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Tape. Tape? I use a lot of blue tape in my workshop. I never considered its uses in the dressing room. I am sure that with tape holding things up, the thought of politics was a very distant thought until comfier clothes could be used. Just guessing here …

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Sounds fun AGMA! Except for the tape…I don’t put any kind of tape on my breasts since I forgot to take off the little nipple markers they put on you for a mammogram and nearly lost a nip the next day when I did. But the dress does sound awesome and worth it, especially since I assume there was no nipple taping required??

    Like

  4. There’s no blow out expensive enough to help me during our annual holiday visit to the in-laws. My father in law gets up really early but doesn’t put in his hearing aid and listens to Fox News REALLY F-ING LOUD. I swear to God two years ago there was a framed picture of Orange Foolius in the bedroom we were sleeping in. And then their was the time my father in law called me a feminazi…..please help.

    Liked by 1 person

    • So I sweated so much dancing that it came of pretty quickly & pain free. Actually, it was a bit scary how quickly it came off. Not so in my trial run… I was biting my lip and realized that I needed to put some gauze on a couple of vulnerable regions! Practice makes perfect!

      Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks! I loved Istanbul!! And I would love to take a tour of the rest of the country! When taping, it’s essential to practice first. My first attempt was pretty sad. And the more tape the better! It’s the only thing that held me up when some of the support pieces let go because I was sweating. Happy taping! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  5. You still got “it!” You cracked me up making me wait to hear the tape came totally loose! I waited with bated (in this case “baited) breath! I have got to catch up on your blog posts!! You are too exciting to miss! Hugs!!

    Like

    • Oh Joyful – thanks!! And I need to get caught up on yours and some of the other folks I follow. This travel thing is great, but it does cramp my WP time! Honestly, when I felt that tape popping loose I was like, “Uh oh…” But I will have to say, the sweat helped me peel it off pretty easily when I got home. You can’t make this sh*t up!! 🙂

      Like

Talk to me...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s