Control freak



Source:  RotteneCards

Okay, I know this is going to sound morbid, but AGMA’s started gathering the pictures I want displayed at my funeral/memorial/celebration of life service.

Ewwww…  Who does that?

Note of disclosure:  There is no imminent threat of my departing this life anytime time soon that I am aware.  No new medical diagnosis or forebodings. Nothing (other than the normal ‘I could step out on a street and get hit by a car’ notion) that would lead me to believe I need to hurry up and get my affairs in order.

AGMA’s just a bit of a control freak.

I was trying to sort out the junk we have in our 4th floor closets.  Since we live in a townhouse with no basement, but a finished top level, the 4th floor has become what our basements used to be…  The place of collection of our precious belongs.

You know, the junk.

Found…a Lladro figurine collection.  They’ve been in a box since 2010.  Also found….the chachkies/pictures we had on our built-in bookcases two houses ago.  They’ve been in a box since 2010 too.

AGMA can’t say that I’ve missed them.

We have two walk-in closets on the 4th floor.  The wire shelving in both have collapsed and ripped out of the wall from the weight of the myriad of boxes I stacked on them.


I haven’t told Hubs yet.

So in trying to bring order out of chaos before informing Hubs, I started digging into some of the boxes that fell.  There was one with shoeboxes – soooo many shoeboxes – of pictures from 1963 to the early 2000’s in them.

Of course, AGMA couldn’t resist a stumble down memory lane.

Fresh on my mind was my old friend Scott.  Scott had been a friend of Hubs and I since college.  He was younger than us by a few years and full of energy, life, fun and mischief.

In the days before social media, for all of you young whippersnappers out there, the annual Christmas/holiday letter via snail mail was our version of a timeline.  Far flung friends got brought up to date with our lives over the preceding year through this annual ritual.

And so it was with Scott after we graduated.  For 30+ years, we communicated once a year with him.

Then, in 2011, we started making annual trips back to Tucson to visit my MIL and old friends still living there.  Like Scott.

We were delighted to discover that he was much the same – full of energy, life, fun and mischief.  30+ years older, yes, but with a positive outlook on life that was contagious.  He was like Peter Pan – the boy who never really grew up.  We always looked forward to visiting Scott, and hearing about his latest adventures and plans for the future.

Our last visit to Tucson was this past October.  We a lovely evening with Scott and his new wife.  I felt like he’d finally found his soul mate.  We had a great time with them.

Last week, we heard through a friend that Scott was in hospice.  WTF?  Two days later his wife let us know that Scott had passed away.

He was only 62.

So while AGMA was looking through those old pictures on the 4th floor, my heart was heavy at the sudden loss of our friend.  And I started wondering what his memorial service would be like.

I hope that it will be fun and uplifting just like Scott was.  And full of images from his life which was a wonderful mix of adventure, service to the less fortunate and family.  Hubs is going and will give me a full report when he gets back.

But then I started wondering what AGMA’s ‘celebration of life’ might be like.  Not in a morbid sense; more curious than anything else.   And what kind of images there will be to show the highlights/lowlights (gotta keep it real) of AGMA’s time on earth to those who come to party.  Because it WILL be a party.

Oh no – this is just too important to leave up to Hubs and sons…  They’re guys and wouldn’t have a clue.

So I started putting ‘AGMA approved’ pictures aside for that final hoorah.

I can hear the announcement at the memorial now, “AGMA selected all of the pictures in this montage of her life many years ago because she was such a freaking CONTROL FREAK!”

That’s cool…

At least I know I’ll look cute.

RIP sweet Peter Pan.










21 thoughts on “Control freak

  1. I’m so sorry for the loss of your friend. He was far, far to young, but it sounds like he made the very most of his time here on earth.

    I’m with you about choosing your own photos. I think you should also write your farewell to your blog buddies, to be posted by son and/or husband in (i hope) 40 plus years when you move on to that big condo in the sky. Till then, keep making it real for all of us. We are counting on it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • You are so sweet Shelley! Thanks for your kind words about Scott…

      Everybody’s comments have inspired me to go full monty on the memorial thing. Pictures, music, poetry, food, drink, costumes…. Yeah – I think that I’ll request folks dress up in costumes! That way they wouldn’t have to wear black – ugh – and it will be more fun! And (great suggestion!) a farewell blog… I need to give Son#2 my social media and WP sign on’s so he can handle in 40 years or so. 🙂


  2. It’s so hard when our contemporaries start to pass. The brother of my SIL actually created his own good-bye video. He knew he was dying (incurable cancer) and he was a “theater geek” so he got some of his theater friends to help, which was good because they needed to complete it after he died. It was a high-class video full of pictures, music and even a bit of his own words. It made me cry, even though I only knew him slightly.

    I have in fact written down the readings and music I want at my funeral mass. I did it a few years ago when the first of our friends died. I haven’t done pictures, only because I still have the masses of shoe boxes on shelves. I can totally see me creating the pile of pictures when I finally go through those boxes (on the to-do list). Guess I’m a bit of a control freak as well…. It will be my final message to the world and I see nothing wrong with having a say in it.


  3. That’s a sad loss. Far too young.

    A few years before my mother died, she and I attended a memorial service of one of her friends. When we were leaving, Mother handed me the bulletin for the service and said, “This is what I want for my service.” I went home and filed it. Three years later Mother died and I took the bulletin to the meeting with the pastor. “Here’s what she wanted, see you Saturday.” It made what was a difficult time, just a bit easier.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Condolences on the loss of your longtime friend. Planning your funeral is not being a control freak, it’s simply showing consideration for those left behind. Would you really want them to have to go through those photos to choose appropriate ones mere hours after your passing? My mother pre-planned (donated her body to science), and I’ve already pre-planned (also donating my body to science). Since the medical school keeps the bodies for a year or more, the actual “funerals” take place a year or two after the death. By then, everyone’s calmer.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I’m sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. Kudos to you for your pre-diaster decluttering. It’s not easy and it cuts across many memories, and that’s a good thing—gaining an appreciation of the present moment.

    Liked by 1 person

      • Good Point AGMA! Here’s the short list:
        For a Dancer and Rock Me on The Water by Jackson Browne
        Learning to Fly and Wildflowers by Tom Petty
        In My Life and Black Bird by The Beatles
        Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd
        One Safe Place by Marc Cohn

        What are your songs?

        Liked by 1 person

    • I know – it is immensely practical. But it still feels a bit like I’m trying to control things from the hereafter… I just need to get over it right? And thanks for your condolences. Still hard to believe he’s gone…


  6. Ummm….I live several provinces away from sibs…4,000+km apart.

    I do email several times annually a photo here and there of myself at a cool vacation spot or cycling. It is partially to illustrate in 1 photo instead of overly describing something. And also give to them…images of me over a long time at key points in my life. The last time I lived in same city as sibs, was 15 yrs. ago. CAnada is such huge country, like the U.S.

    The reverse is not quite true, but then some sibs have children to help them. Or each other by visiting home in same city.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. AGMA — so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. I’ve had a couple of friends go in past two years and it’s a shock. One, a pal from girlhood, was a true wit. She and I peed our pants laughing back in the days when it wouldn’t be considered “leaking.” I miss her sorely even though we lived several states apart. And I sure “get it” about de-cluttering. Will our nieces really want to deal with Barbie doll & her wardbrobe, Ken, beat-up childhood books like Playtime Pets? The flotsam & jetsom Mother kept for me, though well intended, must go. As for choosing photos ahead of time — Great Idea! Did not consider that. Maybe I’ll use the one when I was a teen standing on my head. And music — maybe Kenny Rogers “The Gambler” — “know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em.” Cuz I surely hope I am prepared enough to know when to fold ’em. (But who does?)

    Liked by 1 person

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