Transfiguration

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OMG, OMG, OMG…

On Sunday, I read an article in the New York Times titled Researchers Track an Unlikely Culprit in Weight Gain that just might change AGMA’s life.

And the life of every apple shaped post-menopausal woman with wonky bones and a draggin’ booty.

I mean, this is BIG!

Researchers have discovered that the suppression of a single hormone in ovary-less female mice did amazing, wonderful, marvelous things.

From the article… “In mouse studies, blocking the hormone solves those problems, increasing the calories burned, reducing abdominal fat, slowing bone loss and even encouraging physical activity.”

A single hormone. Let that sink in ladies.

Can it really be that simple? Can we really transform from apples back to pears? And have stronger bones and more energy?

AGMA loves to imagine an alternate pear universe.

The offending hormone is F.S.H. – follicle stimulating hormone. In women, it stimulates the production of little eggies that can eventually turn into little humans. Given a little Barry White playing in the background…

AGMA’d think after enduring a lifetime of monthly cramps, bad moods, and having to deal with tampons, pads, gross leaks and ruined clothes, our bodies would be happy to be done with all that when our reproductive system start flipping the off switches.

Nah, baby nah. The retribution has just started.

Among a myriad of other things, menopause really pisses off the pituitary gland. It starts pumping out mass quantities of F.S.H.

And that’s when the trouble starts.

We wake up one morning and search in vain. What happened to our waist? It was just there yesterday.  WTF?

And we find it’s been replaced by a large blob of grossosity.

That never. goes. away. ever.

And, on the nights we manage to get a decent night’s sleep – which doesn’t happen very often because of some other body chemicals that go cattywhampus – our arse is still dragging the next day.

That never. goes. away. ever.

And a DEXA scan shows that some of our backbone, which has always been a symbol of our endurance, resilience and courage, is slowly leaking away. We’re given big pharma meds with potentially dangerous side effects, and warnings about brittle bones.

And, for all but the most determined individuals, the combination of these often work together to cause women to get very sedentary.   It get’s real easy to sit in on the couch, surf the ‘net, snack on whatever’s in the fridge or in the panty, and watch Antiques Roadshow reruns.  Which only exacerbates things.

Yikes – exacerbate – now there’s a word AGMA is sure would flummox 45 and the mental giants that surround him…

In the words of my grandson, “No fair!”

Hell, AGMA runs flippin’ marathons, and I still can’t get rid of the grossosity. Or replace lost bone. Or feel energized.

“No fair!”

But Dr. Mone Zaidi of the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai in New York City wants to change all that for us. He’s currently working on an anti-F.S.H. antibody to test on humans.

God bless Dr. Zaidi!

I wonder if he’s accepting test subjects in Georgia?

Pick me, pick me!

AGMA can’t imagine the implications if his research proves that suppressing F.S.H. in women will do all the wonderful things it does in mice. At the very least, he will instantly become a rock star-like celebrity and possibly could have his likeness added to Mt. Rushmore.

Dr. Zaidi for President 2020?

Women’s fashion will need to be totally resized.  Donations of large waist/hip pants to charity organizations will surge. Profits of the big pharma companies that make those questionable bone replacement drugs will dip. And Antiques Roadshow viewership will decrease dramatically.

And AGMA would be a glorious pear again.

Pick me, pick me!

P.S.  If you haven’t had a chance to read my reblog of Monday of my friend Dooke’s post please take a look at it.  I know it’s long, but it’s a beautiful story of a life quest realized.   And it might bring a tear to your eye like it did to crusty ol’ AGMA!

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29 thoughts on “Transfiguration

    • That’s what they say! I have had some luck with Holy Basil drops and also Tryptophan capsules in helping me sleep. When I was on steroids for 3 months, I would have to take an Ambien every 3rd day, just get an uninterrupted 6 hours of sleep every 72 hours. Those were tough months! Lately (knock on wood) I’ve been sleeping pretty well (other than the 2 trips to the bathroom!) Sheesh!

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Don’t want to sound negative here, but does you Dr. Zaidi have a solution for us beer gut size men? I don’t even drink beer and I got the gut. Now all you gals go back to pears and likely will not want to be siting next to the beer gut dude. Don’t want to sound bitter or anything, but “not fair.”

    Liked by 2 people

    • You know…I think they did mention in the article that it does’t look like it works for men. Evidently men also produce this FSH (who knows why??), and turning it off didn’t appear to work to lose the beer or non-beer gut. Which is a shame because Hubs looks like he has a family of four living in his abdomen. No fair!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Just get rid of the hot flashes and nightly sweats, and that would be quite enough for me! My female GYN told me the sad news that for about 30% of us women that crap NEVER stops. She and I happen to be in that lucky 30%. It sucks to be special.
    Go Dr. Zaidi! president isn’t enough. Any fool can be president, as we now know. Dr. Zaidi should be emperor!

    Liked by 1 person

    • If his research confirms his early findings, then emperor might not even be enough! I’m so sorry about your hot flashes and night sweats. Strangely enough (given my luck…) I am not in that ‘lucky’ 30%. Does anything help minimize them?

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  3. The study was done on mice that no longer had ovaries, so I’m assuming in humans the prerequisite for this treatment would be a complete hysterectomy. I’ve had that, but I also take Estradiol every day as an estrogen replacement. I wonder how that would factor in? Before my hysterectomy, my FSH levels and TSH levels were all over the map. Everything went back to normal afterward once I went on hormone replacement.

    Liked by 1 person

    • They took out the mouse ovaries to simulate menopause. I guess female mice don’t have to endure hot flashes and night sweats like we did… Can you imagine how tiny a mouse ovary is? I wonder how they do that surgery? Oh – I’m rambling…

      I don’t know… I’m on bioidentical estrogen and progesterone, and my hormone person says all my levels look good, but I’m still an apple. And have osteopenia. And drag my arse most days. I’d be willing to stay an apple if my bones would buck up and my arse would get lively now and then. His study can’t happen fast enough as far as I’m concerned! 🙂

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