H-E-L-L Ohhhhh

11.10 Bicycle Hell (from "Puck")
Source: Library of Congress
Format: RGB tiffAGMA’s going to hell.

I’ve made that declaration in the past, but now I’m sure of it…

All thanks to that once a year sporting event that to me, is like catnip to a cat. Like an empty New Jersey public beach to Chris Christie on the 4th of July. Like a Mar a Lago chocolate cake to tRump.

In other words…totally irresistible no matter how fat you are.

I’m speaking, of course, of my totally inexplicable obsession with men’s elite cycling, espeically the Tour de France.

This year, AGMA has three TdF fantasy teams. I spent hours pouring over rider data on procyclingstats.com.

I agonized over whether I should have more GC riders than sprinters. Or more sprinters than punchy Classics riders. Or visa versa? Should I have a time trial specialist? Should I look for a ‘dark horse’ rider to emerge out of the peloton to do great things?

It was harrowing.

But the real trouble started when I shelled out $39.99 for NBC Sports Gold Cycling coverage. Live streaming coverage to your phone, laptop or tablet, unlimited replays, special features and over 30 hours of extra coverage. And the live streaming includes both commercial free coverage with some Thunder from Down Under commentators or the NBCSN coverage with commercials.

“Why would anybody choose the streaming coverage with commercials over commercial free?”, you ask?

Oh dear ones, you have so much to learn…

Because TdF announcing royalty, the Harry Caray and Vin Scully of cycling, Phil Liggett (73) and Paul Sherwen (61) are announcing on NBCSN. They do the commercial world wide English language coverage (except in Australia I guess) and are cycling announcing icons.

Plus you get to hear the NBC team of Bobke Roll, Christian Vande Velde, Steve Porino, Steve Schlanger and, my favorite retired cyclist of all time, Jens Voigt.

Be still my heart.

Numerous times in the past several weeks, AGMA’s had my cell phone propped up on the outside of our glass shower enclosure while the bluetooth speaker blasts Phil and Paul (and all of the commercials.)  I did this today as a matter of fact. God forbid I miss any of the action while I’m showering.

But this is a huge improvement over past years when I tried to shower and get ready in the morning during the commercial breaks.

We’ve never, ever had a TV in our bedroom so I would have to run up and down the stairs during the commercials. Round about 4 days into the race, AGMA moved my toiletries and hairdryer down to our 1st floor powder room so I could finish getting ready within ear shot of the race call.

But no more.

AGMA’s free to go where I want to do what I want and not miss a minute of the action as long as I have my phone.  I love technology!

I had a MRI scheduled a few weeks ago. I checked in, then settled into a comfy seat in the waiting room with my phone and earbuds. Based on past experience, I thought I had a good 20 minute wait at least before they called me back.  They called AGMA back 5 minutes later.


But the worst, and the reason I’m pretty sure I’m doomed, is that I’ve been watching the Tour in church. During mass.


I have my muted phone on the bench beside me sort of covered up with my sweater. But I only glance over a few times to see where things stand. As I told a friend, “I only watch during the Psalm singing and the offering hymn. Nothing’s really happening then anyway.” He burst out laughing.


But as Luther Ingram sang, “If loving you is wrong, I don’t want to be right.” And I DO love my boys in spandex!

Sadly, my fantasy teams are not doing well. A combination of riders dropping out of the Tour for various reasons and just plain stupid team selections have got me in the middle of the pack in most of my leagues. Not bad, but not the top 5% finish AGMA had last year in the Velogames league.

First world problem.

Stage 16 went off today. Australian Michael “Bling” Matthews won with a brilliant Team Sunweb plan and fabulous team support. He’s also very close to taking the Green Jersey away from German Marcel Kittel.

I can hear you now.


But, mercifully for you, it’s all over soon.

Sunday is Stage 21. They finish on the Champs Elysees in Paris. It’ll be so exciting! It always is.

Then Monday. Monday. Monday starts PTDFM (post-Tour de France malaise)

Back to the present. Back to the news. Back to reality.

And back down the rabbit hole with the Family Von Trump.


21 thoughts on “H-E-L-L Ohhhhh

  1. Well, don’t worry about h-e-l-l. When you get there, you’ll be so busy shaking hands with friends that you won’t have time to be tormented. And likely many of your boys in spandex will be there so you’ll get to have long conversations with them – I mean, really, racing on a Sunday? Evil right there.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks Linda. I usually write a post or two this time of year about my BIS (boys in spandex). Last year, Hubs and I actually got to see a couple of stages when we were in Andorra. TV’s one thing, but live, in-person, close-up BIS…priceless!!


    • I’ll say it again…great stage!! And not just because Roglic was on my fantasy team. Okay – maybe that’s a big part of it. 😉 So what did you think of the Tour this year? Kinda weird with so many big names out by the end. I’m a HUGE Sagan fan so it lost some of it’s magic when he was DQ’ed. Very unfair that…
      And I’m not a fan of all those sprint stages. It was Tour de Snooze when they were on. But the GC battle was pretty great this year! I say Froome has one more in him… You?

      Liked by 1 person

      • Well the good news is that it’s only 49 weeks before the next Tour…

        I thought that Sagan was unlucky, but he is a bit too handy at knocking people aside in sprint finishes so maybe it was overdue. The shame of it was that without Cavendish and Sagan about 50% of the World’s sprint talent was missing from the rest of the race!
        The King of the Mountains is always my big interest, almost more than the G.C. and this year I think we had a really worthy winner, quite what happened to Quintana I’m not sure.
        Froome looks imperious, yes it was close, but with his time-trial skills and climbing ability it was always going to take something special to beat him. He had one bad day in the Pyrenees and nearly blew it, but came back strong, settled down and got on with the job. I don’t think he will make that mistake again and will definitely be back for more maillot jaunes in future!

        Liked by 1 person

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