Unspeakable guilty pleasures

costco-shopping-toilet-paper.jpg

Yesterday, AGMA bought two yuge…I mean YUGE…bags of that horribly addictive kettle corn popcorn stuff.

These bags are so large that my most adorable 7 month old grand daughter and a couple of friends could fit in them. So large that they could probably pull in her exersaucer too. So large the Cheeto man-child’s ego could fit into them.

Actually, they’re probably not THAT bigly yuge…

Last night Hubs filled a large cereal bowl with these deceptively evil delights from one of the bag. You could barely tell that anything had been taken out of the bag.

The sweet and salty popcorn contained in the massive bags IS deceptively evil. The advertising on the bag seduces the hunger crazed consumer into thinking this is a weigh control product. “Only 70 Calories per Cup!” it proudly announces knowing full well that no normal person can stop at any less than 10 cups. AGMA can’t.

It’s all air right?

So why would I, a perfectly logical person and savvy consumer, purchase two gargantuan bags of snack product when there are only two – count ’em two – mouths to feed at Casa AGMA?

It was a BOGO of course at….

COSTCO!!!!

Many a diet and marriage has been ruined by this irresistible purveyor of unmanageable massive quantities.

I won’t let Hubs come with me when I shop there. Too dangerous. He wants to come home with a four pack of electric toothbrushes or a package of 25 chicken breasts.  Or a two pack of inflatable floaty islands for our pool.

We don’t have a pool.

But the temptation is hard, very hard, to resist.  It’s like temporary insanity.

For those of you in parts of the US who don’t have Costcos (are there such places?) or in other countries, be thankful. Unlike AGMA, you probably still have space in your pantry, freezer, basement and garage.

Costco is a giant warehouse store that sells most items in bulk for a relatively low price.  Why by a 16 oz bottle of ketchup when you can buy a whole gallon for only $3 more?  Makes perfect sense at the time.

Temporary insanity.

You get the picture.

While Costco isn’t the only giant warehouse store in the US, it’s the one with the cult following. There was a documentary about Costco in 2012 called The Costco Craze: Inside the Warehouse Giant. And it asked the question, “…whether customers save money by purchasing large packs of goods or simply consume more?”

I don’t feel I have consumed more as a result of my bulk purchases.   Except for one item. Reference AGMA’s post of two weeks ago.

I’m now an extravagant consumer of Kirkland (Costco’s home brand) toilet paper. So soft. So strong.

So plentiful.

I look at that 36 roll package sitting in our garage (the only place we have to store a veritable mountain of TP), and believe that I can throw caution and frugality to the wind. And down the toilet.

Not counting how many sheets I use; one of AGMA’s guilty pleasures…

One must buy a membership for the privilege of buying super-sized bags of kettle corn and a mountain of toilet paper at Costco. Membership fees were a whopping 70% of their $1.911 billion total income in 2016.

AGMA has been proud to contribute to Costco’s bottom line since 2006.

And since 2006, I’ve had my share of banana’s go bad (3 lbs. for $1.99) and cheese (1 lb. for $5.99) go moldy and organic spring mix (1 lb. for $3.99) turn brown and slimy.

But I’ve also had lots and lots of satisfying lunches there from the sample ladies.

FYI, AGMA shared her tips on the prime time to get filled up with all kinds of goodies from Costco in this post if you’re interested.

Over the past 11 years, I’ve become wise. Or wiser. I no longer buy half gallon tubs of mustard. No place to store it in the 5 years it would take us to use it. Or the 3 lb. bunch of bananas (see above). Or a 5 lb. box of veggie soy burgers.

I ended up throwing them away after they turned white because they had been untouched in the freezer for so long.

Now AGMA sticks to the boring regulars – paper towels, TP, laundry detergent, dishwasher soap, white vinegar, and cat litter.

ZZZzzzz….

The cat litter comes in a 42 lb. bag. Between Hubs and I, it takes about 3 days for the bag to migrate up to the litter box two fights up from the garage.

I do go a little crazy now and then, and go off script. Yesterday, I bought 2 doormats ($2 off each) and the YUGE bags of kettle corn (BOGO for heavens sake!). Oh – and a 2 lb. package of frozen wild caught Alaskan pollock patties.

Here’s to hoping they don’t turn white. The sample was fabulous.

American excess – ya gotta love it…

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20 thoughts on “Unspeakable guilty pleasures

  1. OMG, kettle corn – my favorite. I could live on kettle corn. I had to give up my Costco membership a decade ago when I ran out of room to store all the stuff. I think I still have a package of their toilet paper in my laundry room…

    Like

  2. It reminds me of a conversation between one of my friends and his wife…
    “Look Jim, I bought this material to make new curtains, it was a bargain!”
    “Do we need any new curtains?”
    “No, but it was a bargain!”
    “Hmmmm…..”

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yeah…I’ve done my share of buying material. 😉 I’m always very impressed with the thriftiness of Europeans. They do more with less and do it brilliantly. Anytime I’ve spent time with friends who live across the pond, I feel a bit guilty at our American wastefulness and excess. I live directly across the street from a grocery store. My ultimate goal is to have an empty fridge and panty, and just stock the basics, then run to the store (2 minutes away) for the fresh stuff every couple of days. I know…good luck with that! Ha!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Funny. 🙂 We only live 2 blocks away from a Costco. In all our 14 yrs. so far, we’ve never gone shopping there. We live in a small condo and it’s just the 2 of us. The closest Costco experience was when my parents had to buy some non-perishable necessities for their brood of 6 children…toilet paper, huge bag of rice each time, lots of butternut squash: only 25 cents each when I was growing up.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. We don’t have one anywhere near us here, but I’ve been to one in California with my son when I was out there visiting. It was a bit overwhelming. The thing that made the biggest impression was the room with all the frozen vegetables. It was like going to Siberia, only without the gulags. People would come out, warm up some, and go back in for more. I bet at the end of the day the employees find frozen corpses in there of people who couldn’t make up their minds.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I find that the samples always taste better at Costco than when I get home and eat them myself. It’s like they pipe Marijuana into the air at Costco and we are all stoned and thinking how delicious this stuff is, until we get it home and eat it straight. Such a disappointment.

    Liked by 1 person

    • LOL!!! This made me laugh when I first read it and it just made me laugh again! But you are right of course… I thought maybe it was some magic seasoning dust that they put on everything, but I like the marijuana air theory better. Brilliant!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I used to supervise the demos in Costco. I left in 2005. I still have spices, dried shiitake mushrooms, and various serving bowls and platters in their unopened boxes. I live alone. It takes a while to use up all that stuff!

    Liked by 1 person

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