Mr. Feder…

rosanna-rosanna-dana

Rosanne Roseannadanna, played by the late Gilda Radner, was a reoccuring character on the original Weekend Update segment of Saturday Night Live.

And she rocked.

She read letters with questions from “viewers” and then give her advice/opinions which were always hil-arious. Lots of chuckles.

But it seems like the only person who ever sent letters to her was Mr. Richard Feder from Fort Lee, New Jersey.

Bit of trivia… There actually WAS a Richard Feder from Fort Lee, New Jersey. He was the brother-in-law of the guy who wrote that segment for SNL. But he never wrote any letters. Inside family joke I guess…

Gotta love the in-laws.

On one Weekend Update, Roseanne Roseannadanna reads (yet another) letter from Mr. Feder detailing the problems he’s having trying to quit smoking.

He writes, “Now I’m depressed, I gained weight, my face broke out, I’m nauseous, I’m constipated, my feet swelled, my gums are bleeding, my sinuses are clogged, I got heartburn, I’m cranky and I have gas. What should I do?”

“Mr. Feder, you sound like a real attractive guy.”, Ms. Roseannadanna said.

AGMA can relate.

Two weeks ago, I was blissfully hanging out with my grandchildren in Chicago. Minding my own business. Enjoying being Nana. A cool, newly tattooed Nana…

And that’s when I noticed the small red area on my left hip. Hmmm – my jeans must be too tight. Entirely possible since AGMA has been eating like Steve Bannon at a KKK recruitment pig roast.

It wasn’t until the next morning that I got alarmed. The little red spot had morphed into a painful, bumpy rash that covered my left hip. Hmmm – this is weird.

Concerned about what kind of creeping crud I may have contracted and being around my grandchildren, I asked my DIL to take a look at it. She’s a brave woman since I had to pull my pants down.

She took one gander at it and said, “I think you have shingles.”

WTF??

Turns out my son had shingles in the same spot a number of years ago and she said it looked just like his shingles. Mother and son matching shingles – how precious.

My primary care doctor talked to me about getting the shingles vaccine last month. But since I’ve been back on the evil prednisone since early December, she said I needed to wait. Evidently the prednisone can interfere with the shingles vaccine’s effectiveness.

Joke’s on her. Or AGMA.

Back in Chicago, I hurried to a local doc in a box to get “officially” checked out. Sure ‘nuff – shingles.

Damn.

AGMA admits she panicked a little. And almost broke down into tears. My sweet granddaughter is only 3 months old and I was afraid that she was going to get chickenpox from her tattooed Nana.

That would not be cool.

The Physican’s Assistant said that little Vi would have to come into direct contact with the shingles blisters oozing “goo” (OMG that’s so gross…) to get chickenpox. And given the location of the rash – on my hip, waist and (blush) bottom – that probably wouldn’t happen.

I texted my DIL that it was indeed shingles and that she should call her pediatrician for advice. I ate lunch at a local restaurant waiting for her to get a call back. I was fully prepared to be kicked out of the house until I flew home that Saturday. AGMA was on her phone during lunch looking for cheap hotel rooms…

But her pediatrician said the same thing the PA said and I was welcomed back into the house with open arms. I just had to wash my hands a lot.

Because I was able to go on an anti-viral, I haven’t had the horrible nerve pain that Hubs had in 2006 when he got shingles. And most (but not all) of the rash faded without blistering up and crusting over.

Again, so gross… Isn’t “crusting” kind of a digusting word?

But it’s kinda put AGMA down for the count and I’m dragging. I’ve still been able to run, but it feels like I’m running through jello with weights on my shoes. Slog.

I blame Donald Trump for my shingles. And the prednisone. Between the two of them, my immune system was flashing STRESS LEVEL TOO HIGH – DANGER, DANGER.

Since I’ve been back on prednisone, I’ve had most of the side effects I had when I was on it last summer. Oral thrush and trouble sleeping. Like big trouble sleeping. More than 5 hours a night is a special treat.

Added to the mix this time is numbness and tingling in my hands and feet along with a foggy head (more than normal…) and blurry vision. And a bigly yuge set of chipmunk cheeks. AGMA’s got some serious jowls going on right now.

And now shingles with most of the delights that come with that little gem of a condition.

Ms. AGMA, you sound like a real attractive gal.

Wake me up when it’s all over.

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29 thoughts on “Mr. Feder…

  1. I’m sorry to hear about the shingles, I wouldn’t wish them on anyone. Can’t imagine being in so much pain AND being on a prednisone jangle. Been on both and fortunately not at the same time. Not that either was fortunate …
    I felt attractive, too. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Glad to have some sympathy… 🙂 My GI guy wants me to stay on the low does prednisone for another 2 and 1/2 weeks, but shhhhh… I’m over it and will be taking myself off in 11 days. Close enough right? And weirdly enough, the shingles didn’t really start bothering me until a week and a half ago – AFTER the rash had healed. Those little nerve endings are just firing away, but in an itchy, ticklsh way. Go figure…

      Like

    • OMG, I was soooo obsessed with following all of the horrible things he was doing that I really couldn’t focus on anything else. It was nuts! Once I got to the grandkids place, I relaxed, but evidently it was too late. I’m thinking of sending him a bill for all the time and $$ I’ve spent on fighting he and his evil minions since the election. I would include my medical expenses. It would be a bigly yuge bill! 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Shingles are no fun! We had an 80-year-old neighbor that rocked a lovingly hand made right-side only, mid-riff baring shirt whenever he was doing yard work. His wife wanted him to be comfortable but not get too much sun. Obviously, I don’t recommend you modifying your coverage…

    Liked by 1 person

    • I am planning on putting together an itemized list of all of the time and $$ I’ve spent on him since the election. Then I’m going to send him a bill. It would include medical conditions brought on by his presidency… Unfortunately, all of the money I’ve made from being a paid violent liberal protester won’t cover it. I’m still waiting for my first check.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I dread shingles; all I ever heard about was the pain. I’m so glad you were able to get it treated!
    About Roseanne: I often reference her to define my worst hair nightmare. I have that kind of hair. So sad that less and less people know what I’m talking about!
    Be well, AGMA!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you! And I know what you mean about fewer and fewer people knowing that cultural reference. Back in the day, everybody knew who she was… Sigh.
      So I really did dodge a bullet with the shingles thing, but I am having the post-shingles nerve firing that lots of people get. But it’s not painful; it’s itchy ticklish and demands to be itched and rubbed. Embarrassing when I’m out in public (some of the rash in the groin area.) TMI right?

      Like

    • “Damn that Trump Bitch.” That made me smile when I first read it and then just now! You rock Ilona!

      Thanks for your good wishes! I’ll just be soooooo glad when the post-shingles nerve firing decides to quit and I’m off the prednisone. I’ve been struggling to keep up with my running because I have a marathon on April 2nd. I think I’ll be able to finish (7 hour time limit), but I ain’t going to be burring up the course… For that matter, I’ve been struggling to keep up with life as evidenced by my 2 week WordPress absence.
      It’s got to get better soon right? 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  4. She was a great character, and so sorry for your shingles. It’s no joke that Trump has had an effect on stress levels, which breaks down immune systems. ugh. I’ve heard there is even a “Trump 10” weight gain going around. Get well soon.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks Pat! I’m ready for that! I was hoping that once the rashy, ugly part cleared up, I would be good to go, but now I’m having the post-shingles nerve firing that is actually worse than the rash was in terms of being uncomfortable. Yikes!! I does seem to be getting a smootch better than it was a few days ago so I’m cautiously optimistic…

      Liked by 1 person

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