The ecstasy and the agony


The ecstasy… AGMA DID finish the New York Marathon on Sunday, Nov 6th!!


Yes, it was dark .  And the huge crowds that had cheered the winners nearly 5 hours before had vanished. There were a precious few people in the finish line grandstands to cheer on friends or family members who were like me.


But it was a great experience. I think.

Round about mile 20, I went into survival mode. I turn totally inward trying to conserve what energy I have left. No more high fives for the people at the side of the road cheering. No dancing to any of the many bands they had along the course. And I turned my phone off so that I wouldn’t feel obligated to look at the sweet, encouraging “Go AGMA go!” texts people were sending.

It was just me, the road and my short, stumpy legs trying to muster the energy to put one foot in front of the other to move forward.

AGMA almost quit within 2 miles of the finish.

Clearly, you have to have the physical conditioning to run a marathon. Or you hurt yourself. Bad. I saw lots of folks limping those last few miles with ice packs on their knees or tape around their ankles.


But you also have to have the mental stamina. And for AGMA, that’s the rub…

The brain conjures up all kinds of negative message trying to convince you to quit. “You’re way too slow.” “You’re way too old.” “You’ll never make it all the way so give up now.” “WTF??”  It’s brutal.

So when all those negative thoughts pop up, you have to do battle with them.  And just keep putting one foot in front of the other. AGMA wasn’t going fast, but I was going…

And in the end, I got the medal, the bragging rights and the leg cramps.

More ecstasy…the next day, I walked slowly – very slowly – onto a plane for Chicago and a mere three hours later got to meet my fresh out of the oven, adorable granddaughter, V!!

And spend time with her big brother B. Lots of time with B. Lots and lots of time with B.

Which I adored doing last month when I hadn’t just run a marathon. This time it was a bit more challenging to keep up with him. AGMA fell into bed on Monday and Tuesday night, completely exhausted.

Then came Wednesday morning. Along with the Wednesday mourning.

The agony.

Waves of nausea and depression pounded over AGMA as I learned that our President elect was a bigoted, narcissistic, misogynistic, psychopathic sexual predator who has skin as thin as an onion, will have access to our nuclear codes and is Putin’s BFF. Now if that doesn’t start you day off on the wrong foot, I don’t know what will…

To say that AGMA is still in stunned disbelief would definitely be an understatement.

I immediately joined the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU). And I might even join the NAACP and any other organization that will have me that will work to preserve the rights of all Americans.

All Americans. A-L-L Americans. A-L-L.

It’s going to be a long, ugly four years. And a very, very bumpy ride. Buckle up.

In the meantime, AGMA needs to rest and heal. And what better way than a vacation?

Out of the country. Almost as far away as I can get.

Where I don’t have to look at He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named’s orange face, orange hair and tiny hands on every news program or news website. For crying out loud, if he has to be a racist, misogynistic bigot, at least he could be easy on the eyes…

I’ll try to keep posting when I’m gone, but our trip will be, once again, at the speed of light. Or close to it.

In the meantime, let’s all take a deep, cleansing breath. And remember the words of the great Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr who was himself the target of great violence and hate to the point of being murdered…

“I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.”

35 thoughts on “The ecstasy and the agony

  1. Congrats, AGMA! Quite a feat! And then a new grandbaby waiting for you at the end!! What could be better! But then to have reality come crashing down so hard . . . I agree with you wholeheartedly about He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. I wept spontaneously all day Wednesday and I’ve been pretty numb ever since. Have a lovely vacation – you’ve earned it! – and try not to think about what’s waiting for you when you get home.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oops – I didn’t realize that I hadn’t answered any of the comments on this post. Bad AGMA!

      Thanks so much for you congrats! And the vacation was lovely.

      I was moderately successful in not thinking of HWMNBN. It was on the news a bit, but we didn’t have the TV on very much. And I would see bits and pieces when I did a few Facebook posts. Now that I’m back, like everybody else, I can’t avoid it. 😦


  2. Good job AGMA. I admire your fortitude. On all accounts. I’m still trying to decide how to deal with the shame I feel over my national identity. I have withdrawn from the conversation surrounding the election. At some point I will want to get back out and fight for the rights of every man.
    Have a great vacation and be sure and let folks out there know that there are still plenty of Americans with a heart for the environment, world peace and social justice.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks so much! It’s funny – I expected more people to ask me about the election, but very few did. They probably didn’t want to embarrass us. And it is embarrassing isn’t it? And so very tragic.

      My vacation was timely because it forced me to withdraw from the conversation which was probably healthy for me. I came back after two weeks with the resolve not to sit by quietly. I’ll be at the Women’s March on Washington, one of what I hope will be many acts of activism.

      Like you Ilona, I don’t plan to go down without a fight!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Wow, I still can’t believe you run on purpose. However, you have inspired me to by a fitbit to track my exercise and motivate myself to exercise more. Why just this afternoon I increased my walking by only getting one cookie from the cupboard. It was nearly 200 steps to get the dozen I ate. Feeling fit already.

    and my wife and I are reviewing our donation list list asking one simple question, “which group will cause the most trouble to He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.” Our list is getting very long.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Well done. Good for you! I’ve never done a marathon, but I know the agony of a 5K walk. 🙂
    I share your sentiments about you know who, as well. I did read today that David Brooks, NY Times (?) and PBS fame expects him to be impeached within his first year as Congress would rather work with Pence since he is more predicable. I really don’t think he expected to win. Enjoy your next trip!

    Liked by 2 people

    • I think I’d rather roll the dice w/the Donald, who at one time maybe not so long ago, was closer to being a Democrat than Mike Pence would or could ever be. I’ve heard the quick impeachment theory before but I fear the known priorities of Pence, who would most likely be backed by the majority of the Republican majorities,more than the unknown and evolving priorities of you know who. Maybe enough voters will be as disappointed in these “leaders” in two years as us progressives are now and vote the bastards out. Easier said than done but hopefully some good challengers will be inspired to step up to the plate by then, too.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks so much Irene. It was a great trip! I didn’t realize I hadn’t responded to any comments on this post – oops!!

      I met a woman on the plane from San Fran to Atlanta who told me she requested tickets to the inauguration. She is very anti-Trump, but says she’s expecting a miracle (I guess with the Electoral College) and that she will actually be watching Hillary get sworn in… Interesting.


  5. There are petitions afloat that are asking the electoral college to go with the popular vote. I don’t know if that is probable, but it is certainly possible. I suggest to everyone of like mind to find one and sign it. You know the old saying, “It ain’t over ’till the fat lady sings.”

    Liked by 1 person

  6. The mental strength that got you through the marathon will more than carry you thru the next 4 years. Your story is inspirational and your acts of volunteerism even more so.

    Grandkids are why we are on the planet. Enjoy them.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Congratulations on finishing the marathon. I’m impressed by your stamina!
    That’s what we are all going to need–stamina and optimism–to get through the next four years.
    And we thought Bush was an embarrassment because he couldn’t string together a coherent sentence (among other things).

    Liked by 1 person

    • OMG, Bush looks like a wise elder statesman now (I can’t believe I’m saying that..!) I’d gladly trade in Cheetoman for W at this point! Stamina and optimism – two things I’m sorely lacking at the present moment. However, I expect them to return soon… 🙂


  8. Just reading your post was a roller-coaster–an indication that life (yours and everyone’s) has been like a roller coaster on steroids lately. Congratulations on the Marathon and the grandbaby! Safe travels, and may you be able to forget–even if only for a few moments–the creepy orange ogre that will be waiting to pounce when you return.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Wow, to say you had a challenging week, in more ways than one, would be an understatement! And, as I expected, your Marathon victory proves once again that you’re a better woman than I. Of course, the one and only marathon distance that I ever attempted took place in a rare Southern Cal deluge over ten years ago. I used that, and the discomfort it caused for us who were still out on the course as it worsened, as an excuse to phone hubby to pick me up long before the finish line. I don’t even recall if I had completed my “usual” half marathon distance before I threw in the towel, and the wet running outfit, shoes, etc.!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Funny you should tell me that story… I’ve had basically perfect weather for the 3 marathons I’ve run so far. Today in Atlanta, it’s 45 degrees and raining – the weather I hate the most. I was thinking earlier today what I would do if I had to try to run a marathon in this weather. “You just wouldn’t do it”, was my answer! I rarely say I’m too old to do anything (I’m AGMA don’t you know…) , but in this case I would play the age card! Ha! So I’m not a better woman than you – just had better luck with weather. There’s a difference!

      Liked by 1 person

  10. I finished NYC in the dark, but I FINISHED! I was spent by about mile 19, but I was running with my daughter and couldn’t look pathetic in front of her.

    It was the best running experience of my life, and I want to run NYC as many times as I can.

    Liked by 1 person

    • KUDOS TO YOU!!! CONGRATS FOR FINISHING!!! I left my running partner at the half marathon mark so I did the last 13.1 alone. I don’t think it would have been quite such a struggle if I had somebody with me… Here’s to the NYC Marathon night time finishers! 🙂

      P.S. I’m going to enter the lottery again for next year. It WAS awesome!


    • Thanks for the congrats!

      What is bothering me are the very reasonable, rational people who didn’t vote for Trump but who say we should give him a chance and that things will probably be okay. WTF??? He is going to eat them up alive them spit them out! He’s an incredibly unstable man which makes him, as President of the US, and incredibly dangerous man. And he’s surrounding himself with a brood of vipers who know how to play to his narcissistic disorder to get their twisted, evil way.

      We need Captain America and we need him now!


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