Adventures with spam

Spam

I found the following email in my Junk folder last week.  It was titled “I AM AT THE AIRPORT WITH YOU PACKAGES

Attention

I AM DIPLOMATIC MR. FRED MILLER, I have been trying to reach you on your telephone about an hour now just to inform you about my successful arrival in country with your two boxes of consignment worth $23.7 million USD which I have been instructed by TNT COURIER COMPANY to be delivered to you. The Airport authorities demanded for all the legal back up to prove to them that the fund is no way related with drug nor fraud money.

I have presented the papers I handed to them and they are very much pleased with the papers I presented but the only thing that is still keeping me here is the airport delivery Tag which is not placed on the boxes, one of the Airport Authority has advise that we get the delivery tag so that I can exit the airport immediately and make my delivery successful .I try to reason with them and they stated that the delivery tag will cost you just $169 Dollars only to get the two tags placed on the boxes as that tag will enable me get to your house successfully without any interference. They scanned the boxes and found out that the fund is 100 % spendable and accepted by any bank in the whole world. As I can not afford to spend more time here due to other deliveries I have to take care of. I have more vital paper with me but I can only present you the hard copy when I reach your house as that is the diplomatic rules, such as authorization to deliver.

Reconfirm the following information below so that I can deliver your consignment boxes to you today.

  • NAME: =
  • ADDRESS: ==
  • MOBILE NO.:====
  • NAME OF YOUR NEAREST AIRPORT:====
  • A COPY OF YOUR IDENTIFICATION :======

Regards,

Mr Fred Miller

Phone number:   “ (AGMA deleted the phone number lest some of you are tempted to call Fred, send him needed $169 and move in on MY $23.7 million USD…)

With apologies to the Hormel Company and the thousands of Hawaiians who feel the use of the word that sounds and is spelled just like their beloved Spam to describe unwanted junk emails is just plain wrong, I’m not a fan of spam.  Either kind.  And in the 20+ years we’ve had an email address – actually several – we’ve seen our share of spam.  Lots o spam.

I feel a Monty Python song coming on…

But I am a fan of whimsey and imagination.  And I think this email is a tribute to the creative spirit that is apparently alive and well in the work-a-day swindler.  It had me at the title and it didn’t disappoint.  The grammar and punctuation could have been a bit more polished, but honestly, it’s simple, homespun quality actually added to the suspense of the story.  Fred surely know’s how to engage us by weaving a tale of international intrigue. Like a John le Carre novel, I didn’t want it to end when it did.

AGMA is eagerly anticipating the second installment.  Seriously, aren’t you just chomping at the bit to find out where Fred’s adventures take him next as he tries to deliver my “consignment”?  It’s like when I was a kid waiting to read the next book in  The Hardy Boys or Nancy Drew series.

Am I showing my age?

But just in case Fred and I connect, and I become rich beyond my wildest dreams, I assure you that I won’t let the fame and wealth go to my head.  AGMA will still continue.  I just might have my personal assistant do some ghost writing now and then…

And I’ll have my people call your people and maybe we can do lunch.

We can eat Spam.

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37 thoughts on “Adventures with spam

    • If I was a betting woman, I’d bet it wasn’t a Brit but somebody from like Shrew Eu, China or a country ending in “stan”. They’re wily like that – you can’t tell at all from their grammar that they aren’t native English speakers. NOT!! I think that’s the funniest part of it – they’re grammar is just sooooo awful!

      Liked by 3 people

    • Brilliant! I’ll wire it to you as soon as I get the money from my inheritance from a guy in Romania who died and left me his fortune that I didn’t even know! All I have to do is give them my credit card number to cover the bank transfer and attorney’s fees. This must be my lucky week! I’m going to buy a lottery ticket!

      Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks much for the complement! But my post can hardly compare with those in the “hot and spicy” category. I guess I could try to jazz up my next post and use some of those words about our “special” places that guarantee your post gets lots and lots of views… 🙂

      I get those emails too and they ARE quite entertaining. I’m frankly amazed at the number of horny housewives that are out there. Where do they get their energy?

      Liked by 3 people

    • I honestly don’t think I’ve ever had Spam. I feel like a Spam virgin. I have to admit that I’m intrigued by some of the varieties. We have a Hawaiian BBQ place like a mile from my house that has all kinds of Spam stuff on the menu. I just need to pull up my big girl britches and march myself down there and try some!

      Liked by 2 people

      • You really should try it. Sometimes now I take plain Spam and brown it up in a skillet but add soy sauce and brown sugar and let it caramelize a little at the end to make it taste like the Teriyaki flavor we can’t get anymore. If I lived in Hawaii, I would love to taste that strange sweet beans and ice cream cones they sell.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I too wondered who falls for these scams….until my Mom almost did! It was the phone call from her “grandson in jail in Mexico” who had his “local lawyer” calling for bail money. “Don’t tell dad, he’ll be pissed” was the only thing he was “allowed to say” on phone (hard to get real voice read on that when your emotions already elevated!) Yeah, it could have been real, given my nephew…but luckily, we stopped her before she wired the money. And no, he was not in a Mexican jail. I think going after emotion like that is worse than the ones going after greed! And I also wonder how many $169 he got…must get something or they wouldn’t continue!!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Holy heck PatWD11! I’ve heard of that “relative in prison” scam before via email, but not a phone call. And it was pretty sophisticated in that they knew she had an older grandson AND put a bogus “grandson” on the phone. Bold and scary. What lower than low life jerks to scare her like that! Glad you intervened…

        I’d love to know how many $169 payments they got! Probably one from my MIL… And she’s still waiting for her millions!

        Van’s right – PT Barnum knew human nature!

        Like

    • I know right? I keep thinking that certainly people don’t fall for their crazy-ass stories because they are so OBVIOUSLY a scam, but then again the spam keeps popping in my in-box. It must either be very lucrative or it’s Russian junior high and high school kids who have nothing but time on their hands and want to practice their English and possibly score some $$. Maybe they’re doing homework for their “Scamming 101” class at school! Truth is stranger than fiction…

      Like

    • That is CLASSIC!! The “drenched in tears” is a really nice touch… So where mine had the intrigue of John le Carrie, your’s has pathos that could be Charlotte Bronte or Charles Dickens. I’m dabbing the tears from my eyes right now. I feel like I”m watching the end of Love Story.

      Like

  1. Very creative and urgent. Maybe he was the one who inspired the Tom Hanks movie about the guy living at the airport. He may still be there!! Don’t you want to help this poor man?? Not! I am surprised he didn’t ask for your Social Security number!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ve received quite a few of these in my time – and like you said, they never disappoint. Most times I actually read all the way through just to see how bad the grammar gets. And how long it takes to get to the point.

    Liked by 1 person

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