Ice Ice Baby

icemachine

The Professor Proton lesson for the day: As water cools, it’s molecules start getting really lazy.  Instead of running around like chickens with their heads cut off – yuck – they start just kind of lollygagging along.  And if the temp goes below 32°F (0°C), those slacker water molecules start acting like Hillary Clinton’s poll numbers – they pretty much just sit there, and, voila!  The water magically transforms to the much beloved by some, much hated by others and always mysterious solid…

Ice.

So why the heck is the U.S. obsessed with ice?

Specifically, why does most every hotel/motel in the U.S. have an ice machine on every floor?  Who needs that much ice?  And why?  It’s one thing if you’re at a mom and pop motel with the kids, and have a cooler for snacks for your Holiday Road trip in your Wagon Queen Family Truckster station wagon.  I get needing ice for that.  Gotta keep the mayo and lunch meat and Aunt Edna cool.

But at a high-end hotel?

This past weekend I was in a lovely Marriott for a night.  I don’t normally stay at Marriotts, but got the room at 50% off bidding on Priceline.  Gotta love it.  Have I mentioned that I travel cheap?

Anyway, a guy walks into the “ice machine room” and proceeds to fill up two buckets with ice.  What the heck?  What’s he going to do with all of that ice?  What’s going on in his room?  Is he entertaining?  Is he making snow cones?  Did somebody cut their finger off and they need to put it on ice until they get to the hospital?

Inquiring minds want to know.

AGMA has never liked ice.  Specifically in drinks.  Ever.  To this day, on the rare occasion I order a soft drink, I always ask for no ice.  I give them the stink eye and send it back if it comes with ice in it.  The server usually gives me the stink eye back.

Europeans used to be on board with me.  Back in the day, you couldn’t get ice in a drink if you were having a heat stroke in the middle of the Champs Elysees.  And the Europeans were okay with it.  They were used to it.  I loved it.  People in the U.S. warned me, “When you order a drink in Europe, they don’t give you ice.  The drinks are room temperature.”  Perfect!

But something happened over the years.  Something insidious.  Ice, in the form of tiny cubes, invaded Europe.  And it appears the Europeans are okay with this.  Now I have to ask for no ice when I order a drink over there too.  Repeat stink eye sequence.

It’s all so depressing.

The creation of ice has to contribute to global warming right?  Wouldn’t that be covered by the Kyoto Protocol?  I mean, it has to take tons of energy getting that water below 32° not to mention that refrigerant stuff that is toxic and cancer causing and probably is the reason Donald Trump’s hair is the way it is.

It sets AGMA’s teeth on edge when somebody takes a beverage out of the refrigerator and then pours it over ice to drink.  Especially in the winter.  What the heck?  For the love of God, how cold do you want your drink?  Do you want everything in your mouth to go numb?  Do you want to crack your teeth?  The shock alone could cause damage to your sexual organs. Actually think I made that last one up.

Supposedly you burn like 8 calories drinking a cold drink. Your body has to use extra energy to melt the ice, and warm your mouth and innards back up again.  But then I wonder at the wisdom of using your body’s precious energy stores for such a banal reason.  AGMA views this as a very dangerous weight loss strategy leading to brain freeze, tingling – possibly cracked – teeth and impaired sexual performance. Okay, maybe not the last one.

So help me out you ice crunchers.  What’s the deal with ice?  The Big Glup full of crushed ice then topped off with ice cold orange soda when it’s 15°F outside?  Or anytime?  And why the heck would you need two buckets of ice in high-end hotel?

This could get interesting.

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34 thoughts on “Ice Ice Baby

  1. I was shocked when I learned that Ice Tea was really just nice hot tea poured over ice. For years I thought they took ice and made tea out of it. You know, put ice in a tea pot,, poor hot water over it and let it steep for 10 minutes. Ice coffee is a concept I just can’t wrap my head around.

    and for the record, I’ve never found ice to enhance any sexual activity or improve my desire for such activity. Best to keep ice in the kitchen, not the bedroom. Why ice is in hotels in such large amounts, (a hotel is a just large collections of bedrooms), is beyond me…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Great post. I almost feeling like writing one in response in defense of ice, but that’s not very original. So I won’t. 🙂 But I do like nothing more than a decent Scotch over ice.

    But I do recall my late, ex-father-in-law who would delight in tormenting restaurant staff who would ignore his admonition to forgo the ice. He loved to see the red faces of embarrassment or shame. His daughter, my ex-wife, was the opposite. She isn’t happy unless the glass is half-full of it. On a trip to England back in the nineties, I remember wanting to crawl to the floor each time she would complain to a waiter about the fact that she had only received one ice cube in her drink. The ugly American.

    Your posts are always so entertaining!

    Liked by 1 person

    • No, no, no…. Write your post in defense of ice!! I think the wonderful thing about blogging is that you can get ideas for original posts from other bloggers. I would love to read a post in support of ice and the crazy people who actually like it! And for the record, I like a good single malt over an ice cube too! Shhhhh – don’t tell.

      Ugh – there’s nothing worse than ugly American tourists. But unfortunately, those ugly Americans have given the Europeans a taste for iced beverages and now ice is everywhere (at least in the cities) so she won’t have to raise a stink anymore. *sigh*

      Thanks for letting me entertain you! I think I feel a song coming on… 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. What a funny and entertaining post you have here. If you ever are assigned a hotel room near the ice machine, ask to be moved. They are filling their coolers for the road.

    I’ve heard that thing about burning calories to heat up an iced drink…but 8 calories…hardly worth it. I’m with you. If you order a drink with no ice here, you usually get a cup about half full…no kidding. ☺

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I don’t know about anyone else, but last time I stayed at a hotel (I love Marriotts, and since I travel so rarely, I like to treat myself) … anyway, hubby and I needed to fill an ice bucket so we could chill the bottle of wine we had brought along for our little mini-vacation. Maybe that guy in your Marriott had a bunch of beer cans to chill? Or lots of wine?

    I agree about having a room next to the ice machine – you never want that. People crank that darn machine at all hours of the night. Ditto for having a room next to the elevator.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I get the bottle of wine thing. Sort of. How do you open it though? And do you drink it out of the water glasses? I have so many questions about the logistics. I just don’t know…

      We have a dilemma regarding elevators. Since my husband has a mobility issue, we like to be “close” to the elevator to minimize his walking. Now “close” doesn’t mean “right next to” but you’d be amazed how many times we’ve been stuck beside them! Yuck.

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      • I’m embarrassed to say that, yes, I have put the wine into the water glasses provided by the hotel – and sometimes they’re plastic glasses. But then, it was cheaper wine. I keep a corkscrew in my overnight bag, in case it’s needed – of course, some of the cheaper wines have twist-off caps instead of corks. Again, that’s a little embarrassing to admit. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • Holy cow – don’t be embarrassed! So you spent like $14 for a lovely couple of glasses of wine for yourself and your husband instead of the $14 PER GLASS you would have paid in the hotel bar. Makes good sense to me!

        And once more for the record, I’ve been known to pry out wine corks with knifes (doesn’t work very well) and drink it out of paper cups. I think keeping a corkscrew in your overnight bag is brilliant! But more and more really nice wines are being produced with screw tops so that just makes it soooo much easier. “They” (whoever “they” are) have proven that there is no difference between the quality of wine in a bottle with a cork or a screw top. If anything, the wine can’t get “corked” with the screw top!

        Drink on Cordeliasmom, drink on… Just don’t get your ice at 2 A.M.! Ha!

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  5. And from the south we bring you iced tea… it’s so hot and humid here we now have ice machines on the side of the road apparently if you can’t stop at a gas station or grocery! I was simply amused by these and questioned the need for all that ice. I was on the way to a college football game and we had many coolers and lots of beer. Ok, I get that part of it and it was in a college town. That was 6 years ago and I have now seen them randomly through out the south, like little ice filling stations… WTH?
    For the record if my sweet tea is cold I don’t use ice and I get the stink eye when I ask the temperature of the tea! Otherwise, I personally use it for my hot flashys and coolers as needed.
    I’m sad to know the Europeans now serve ice. Sigh. I love your thoughts!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m not sure if they are coherent thoughts or the ravings of a crazy lady, but thanks much!!

      And I live in the South. Actually, I live in Atlanta so maybe it’s not really considered “the South.” But I grew up a Yankee so never did the sweet tea thang anyway. Kudos to you for not wanting a sweet tea that’s full of ice and no tea which is sometime how it gets poured!

      And I have never seen those roadside ice machines but I sure will keep an eye out for them when I get off the beaten path (in other words off of I-75,I-85, I-20 and GA400!) How interesting…

      I do have to admit that this summer was SO HOT, that I took to freezing my running water bottles so I would have cold water on my runs (that were miserably hot!) All the ice melted in about 30 minutes. Did I mention I was hot this summer? 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  6. My problem with ice in water at a restaurant is the fact that there is more ice than water. Then when they come to fill it again the waiter turns the pitcher sideways so more ice goes in the glass. By the time he comes to refill it for the eighth time, there is literally no more room in the glass, and I am still thirsty. Best to just start out by ordering water, with no ice.

    Liked by 1 person

    • That’s what I usually do because I noticed the phenom of the magically appearing ice as well… It’s like they’re have an ice usage quota. Maybe the kitchen has too much ice in their ice maker so the servers have to get rid of it, but not so obviously that the customers notice. So they just keep turning that pitcher sideways. Sneaky.

      On Sunday night, we went out with my sister and her hub for dinner. I forgot to ask for no ice (it happens from time to time) so after they poured the water, I swapped water glasses so that I had the water with the least ice. Hey – it’s in the 60’s and 70’s here now – no need for all that ice now that summer’s over!

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  7. I love ice. Especially crushed ice that you can chew without fear of shearing off the cusps of your molars. Give me a huge 44 oz. cup half-filled with crushed ice over which is poured my drink of choice, diet Dr. Pepper and I’m in hog heaven. It’s hot here in Texas.

    Your post reminded me of Amy Farrah Fowler in “The Big Bang Theory” when she first met Sheldon at a coffee bar. When asked if she wanted a beverage, she said “Tepid water, please.” 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • Do you think Sarah Palin, being from Alaska, able to see Russia (actually Siberia) from her front porch, uses a lot of ice? You wouldn’t think so but who knows? It’s something to ponder when they are interviewing The Donald yet again on CNN and you just can’t take another minute of it…

      Being a Yankee, I never had Dr. Pepper until I became a Horned Frog. Wasn’t too terribly wild about it cold, but boy did I used to love it hot with lemon in it. I used to use this newfangled appliance in the student union to heat it up. It was magical – make it hot in like 2 minutes. It was called a microwave. And the year was 1971… 🙂

      I identify more with Amy Farrah Fowler far more than I’d like to admit. So the tepid water thing is just another in a long line…

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  8. I recently saw something somewhere but can’t remember where. Maybe I imagined it. But in any case, some little video blurb explained how one of the most bacteria-ridden places in a restaurant is its ice machine. This has entirely cured me of my habit of sucking on restaurant ice, which I only did because of the problem wakingofthebear pointed out above. It’s nearly impossible to get enough water in liquid form at a restaurant.

    Liked by 1 person

    • That’s so funny! Sometimes I’m not sure if I really saw something or just imagined it. So glad I’m not the only one. But of course I do make stuff up periodically without any fact or reality behind it but I usually admit to it when I do it. If I could cure myself of that, I could be a politician!

      I think I may have heard that about restaurant ice machines too! I know I heard it about the lemon slices that they put in the water. I’m always amused by the ice machine that has a scoop (to keep the ice clean our course) where the scoop – along with it’s handle that everybody and their brother has touched – sits down actually in the ice touching ALL of the ice cubes. Duh.

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  9. Whew – I’m glad you explained that – I was thinking that you were a pretty wild woman (in that little gym kit you wore…) And that you threw off used men in ash trays and potted plants! Which actually makes sense to me in some warped way. Don’t you love mistypes and spell check? Ha!

    Good point though. I have more than once started sipping a drink and a veritable glacial ice flow has come crashing into my face. Ouch! Another reason to skip the ice!

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    • I know right? For the love of Pete, how cold do servers want you to be?

      I was always a freeze cat until I hit menopause, then I was hot half the time and freezing the other half. Charming. Even in the midst of my worst hot flash, I still never wanted ice in my water glass in the middle of winter!

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  10. Pingback: Irony on the Rocks: A Retort | Snakes in the Grass

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