Scone porn

queen-of-tarts

So I’m at my fave coffee shop again.  With few exceptions, it’s where I write most of my posts.  I feel so Hemingwayesque.   Although he actually hung out at cafes in Paris not coffee shops in Atlanta.

Close enough.

My standing order – a large mocha (no whip) and, if I’m feeling particularly peckish (OMG, I love that word!), a scone.  An American scone that is.

American scones aren’t like Irish scones, the one’s I’m most intimately acquainted with.  Irish scones look at you longingly from the plate and beg you with a “come hither” look to slather them with pure Irish butter, fresh fruity jam and thick cream, then devour them.  American scones – the ones that are palatable – just sit on the plate, insolently stare at you and dare you to eat them.  At your own risk.

My name is AGMA and I’m a scone snob.

I’ve developed a fairly sophisticated scone palette from my frequent trips to Ireland. Just thinking about Irish scones makes me want to take a cold shower.  Thankfully, when Ireland got their independence from England and were getting rid of all things English, some wise Irish person declared the scones could stay.  Scones actually originated in Scotland.  So they aren’t technically English which is probably why they were allowed to stay.

Too bad that didn’t happen in the U.S. post-1776.

Our scones are pathetic.  Cakey lumps sometimes as hard as a rock, sometimes soft and biscuit-like.  Most of the time too sweet with the all the wrong textures.  A totally inappropriate vehicle for butter, jam and cream.  It’s so discouraging to us would-be scone sommeliers…

I have a friend who’s half English.  Her mother was a war bride.  Growing up, she made trips back to England from the U.S. to visit her kinfolk.  She still makes regular trips over there.  This woman knows a good scone.  When we get together, the scone snobbery abounds.

I feel so ashamed…  I know all scones are special in their own way.  Each one is unique and they deserve respect for the special individual baked good they are.  It’s just that some of them taste like crap.

If I baked, I would try to make authentic scones.  You know, the ones who want to spend the night with you clothed only in butter and jam with a dollop of cream covering their hindquarters.  Actually, I do bake, but only Christmas cookies and German Chocolate cake – “niche baking” I call it.  But then if I could make yummly tummly scones, I’d probably weight twice what I do now and be one of those people who Richard Simmons has to rescue from their La-Z-Boy with a fork lift.  Niche baking can be a good thing.

My coffee shop’s scones are decent when they’re fresh.  But they’re not like the scones I’ve had in Ireland.  I don’t know if it’s the non-GMO flour or the butter or the milk or the eggs they use over there.  Those Irish cows and chickens are pretty happy running around on the Emerald Isle.  Happy animals = happy scones maybe?

So my search continues for the perfect scone in the U.S.  A scone that beckons to me use copious amounts of butter to cover every square inch of it.  Wants me to smear fresh, fruity jam all over.  Then suggests I load it up with fresh cream that’s been beaten into a silky, white frenzy.  Finally whispers to me to slowly, every so slowly, bite into it, chew with my eyes closed and savor every last, delectable crumb.

I don’t smoke, but does anybody have a cigarette?

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37 thoughts on “Scone porn

    • I like your enthusiasm George! I’ll keep you posted on my scone quest. 15 years ago, I wanted to travel all around the U.S. with my husband after we retired eating pie as research for a book (or a website) on the best pies in American. Somebody stole my idea though and did it. Buzz killer… 😦 I think the scone thing as real possibilities.

      Thanks for stopping by and commenting!

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  1. Oh, my, AGMA, such a great blog i.d….I had to check you out. Very funny stuff here…and I’d like to get lost in that scone picture. Thanks for finding your way to my Hayley Mills post. I’d love to explore more of yours. ☺ Van

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hmmm, that scone does look delish. I make scones and I think mine are pretty fantastic, but now I’m wondering whether they really are. Since I’m not planning a trip to Ireland anytime soon, how will I ever know? 😉

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    • I think if you love them then they are fantastic! Don’t second guess yourself… My problem is a deep seated psychological one I’m sure where my looking for the perfect scone is an allegory for my search for perfection in life. Or I could just be looking for a really delish scone! Take your pick! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • Hmmm is right! Clearly you haven’t had a Queen of Tarts scone loaded up with butter, jam and creame! And hmmmm again – if you’re a pastor, are you even allowed into a place called the Queen of Tarts? Just wondering… 🙂

      Thanks much for the compliment! So happy to amuse!

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  3. My favorite scones were consumed on a trip to England. We stopped in a small village and went to a farm house that served scones with clotted cream made from fresh milk extracted from the cows in the back pasture. I will always remember those scones, and those wonderful cows.

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  4. Haha…. love your scone porn!
    Having lived all of my life in Scotland up till 5 years ago when I moved to the USA, I really did take scones for granted. They were just something that were there. Always. Now of course I have my choice of all kinds of flavours and fruit but all I want is a big fat fluffy plain scone (or I’d take a currant scone at a pinch). Never again will I take the humble scone for granted!

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      • For the donuts…. 😉
        Hah, no actually my husband got transfered with his job so we had the choice of India, China, Poland, Belgium or USA. Well we (kinda) speak the language here plus I didn’t want to move to the other places. So I won. 😀

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      • But we’re crazy here in the U.S. Certainly not the country it was when I was growing up… Between the Tea Party and the gun lobby and police brutality and our Congressional gridlock and the state of Texas, I pretty much think we don’t fare so well in the view of Europeans (and rightly so…) I would have picked Belgium. The beer is so good there and they have some great cycling races! Good reasons right?

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  5. There’s this little tea place in Port Gamble, WA where they serve a traditional English tea complete with scones such as you describe. Now I’ve never tried one from Ireland or England so I can’t tell you how they compare, but these were divine and there was jam and clotted cream too!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh Janeydoe….I’m going to whine… Washington state is sooooo far away from Georgia. But okay – I’ll put it on the list. You never know when I might have to make an emergency scone trip. Actually, it might be quicker to fly to Ireland. 🙂 But thanks for the tip!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Thanks for the info on scones since I don’t know that much about them, but you’ve successfully made me want one. BTW fruit cakes are the extent of my “niche baking”. I couldn’t make a pound cake to save my life.
    Enjoyed this post.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Like fruit cakes as in typical Christmas fruit cakes with dried cherries and currants and raisins and nut? Or tropical fruit cakes? I never realized how ambiguous fruit cakes could be!

      And only eat scones that look like the ones in my picture or you will be sadly disappointed… There are some nasty scones out there! Thanks for enjoying! 🙂

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  7. Great post, if there’s one thing we can do in the UK it’s bake a mean scone. Sure the weather might be rubbish and the traffic horrendous but we sure do make up for it with our scones 😄

    Liked by 1 person

  8. This post makes me want to travel and eat scones from all over the world. I’d even like to encounter the bad ones of which you wrote, just for the pure joy of saying I travelled there and ate the scone, as bad as it may be.

    Liked by 1 person

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