Over the course of my life, I’ve tried journaling a few times. I gave it up each time. I could barely stay awake while I was writing.
ZZZzzzz. So boring…
So now I’m blogging.
But a blog like AGMA is kinda, sorta like a journal. Good, bad or ugly, I share life experiences and my reactions to them. Except this time I’m staying awake trying really hard to make it funny and interesting because you’re reading it too. Yikes!
Like a journal, my blog is highly personal. And, just like Throwback Thursday, I can go back in the past and remind myself where my heart and head was at a specific moment in time.
But it’s also all very public. This keeps me honest. This is a good thing.
Yesterday, I was half-way through writing a pretty snarky post about how semi-miserable my Mother’s Days have turned out for the last 20 years. Cheerful. I thought I’d save it on my Mac – being the creative beast that I am – as MothersDay.pages. But what? I already have a file by that name?
Huh? Oh yeah – last year’s Mother’s Day post.
So because I’m NOT aging very gracefully, and didn’t quite remember what I wrote a year ago, I reread it.
I was shocked. It’s such a sweet and tender and warm and fuzzy-soft post. So unlike what I was in the process of writing. My 2015 MD post was full of briars and sandpaper and scratchy, ouchy, pinchy things. A nails-down-a-chalkboard-type post.
Holy cow – what’s happened to me in this last year? Have I lost my blogging innocence? Am I no longer a blog virgin? Or am I just getting crankier as I age?
Yes, yes and yes.
I abandoned my snarky post.
As a massage therapist, I know something about energy. Healing – no matter what kind – begins by addressing whatever the issue is with the proper professional who can help us in the journey to wellness. And a huge element of that journey is our attitude and “energy”.
What is it that The Dog Whisperer, Cesar Millan, always says? In training dogs, “It’s all about the energy.” I think The Horse Whisperer said something like that too…
Dog training, horse training and crappy Mother’s Days…it’s all about the energy.
So instead of whining, on Sunday I’m going to focus my thoughts on higher ground. On the incredible honor it is to be the mother of two healthy, amazing and successful men. And the indescribable joy they’ve brought into my life for the past 33 years. And how they taught me to love unconditionally and deeper than I ever thought possible. On the thrill I get when I see either of their names on caller ID or on a text message. And the crazy, insane delight I feel Skyping with my four month old grandson.
You know – the good stuff.
We really are what we think.
I know it sounds trite, but I’ve seen it play out time and time again over the years, both negative and positive. I’ve seen intelligent, gifted individuals emotionally cripple themselves through negative thoughts and self-talk. And I’ve seen other folks who’ve had way more than their share of sorrow, tragedy and bad luck, rally and come back stronger than ever.
It’s like the story of the optimistic little child digging through the huge manure pile in the barn saying, “With all this horse poop, I just know there has to be a pony in here somewhere!”
FYI, I think it’s a Clydesdale.
Happy Mother’s Day!