I think I’ve figured it out… I know how the Chinese are going to take over the world. Or at least the parts of the world that send glittery greeting cards
I wonder if anybody will believe me?
Last year, I bought some 75% off holiday cards after Christmas to send this year. Yeah – I’m cheap. I liked them because they have pretty sparkles. They were made in China.
I bought some extra Christmas cards a few weeks ago because I needed more. They also have pretty sparkles on them. They were made in China.
Most of the Christmas cards I’ve received this year so far have pretty sparkles on them. I checked the backs of each card. They were made in China.
My sister has a late December birthday. I bought a birthday card for her that has pretty sparkle balloons over the birthday cake on the front. You guessed it – made in China.
Hmmm – now I’m not the sharpest needle in the haystack, but I think I’m seeing a common thread…
Think about it. As soon as you take those cards out of the box, those damn sparkles go everywhere. I opened a sparkly card last week on the kitchen counter near the phone. Later in the day, I found sparkles on our cooktop which is across the room. Huh?
Accident? I don’t think so…
We have cats. The sparkles get on the floor. Our cats daintily prance through the errant sparkles on the floor getting them on their paws. They’re now carriers.
The sparkles get on the kitchen counters. All over the kitchen counters. The cats aren’t allowed on the counters. Yeah – right. Telling a cat “No!” works so well…
So their paws end up covered in sparkles. At this point, because cats will not be denied access anywhere, you start finding sparkles all over the house. Literally, everywhere. Really, in places that would shock and surprise you.
And I realized – it’s all an ingenious, insidious plot. They’re using our pets against us to spread the sparkles. It’s like something you’d find on The Sci-Fi channel.
“What’s there to fear from a few ill placed sparkles?” you ask. Other than you don’t feel like sparkles in your morning coffee. Or your scrambled eggs. Or stuck to your boob.
It’s “just” sparkles now my friends, but what about next year? Or the year after?
Scientists are already working on making graphene practical for use in computers and everyday electronics. In case you don’t know, graphene is a carbon sheet only one atom thick. It’s the new miracle substance that is supposed to revolutionize the electronics industry because it conducts electricity 100 faster than the silcone. Stronger than steel but flexible, it’s a nano-sized superconductor. Seriously, this stuff if pretty darned amazing.
But one atom thick? Gosh, that’s teeny, tiny, itty-bitty. Small enough to fit on something really tiny. Really tiny like – oh, I don’t know – a sparkle maybe?
And so it begins…
Again, I’m not the fastest pony in the stable, but sometimes I can connect the dots.
Today it’s a sparkle. Tomorrow it’s a digital communications tool the size of a piece of glitter stuck to your ass beaming all of your junk over to the Chinese version YouTube.
Merry Christmas Beijing.